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Lectures from Hell XVIII: Conspiracy Theories

As religious faith declines, belief in conspiracies grows.

Editor’s Note: Recently, Liberty Nation received extraordinary documents from DiaboLeaks containing lectures straight out of hell. They provide unique insight into the inner workings and machinations of devils in infiltrating and corrupting the minds of humans. Each week, we will post a different Lecture from Hell. The demonic influence revealed is shocking. This short parody was inspired by the wonderful work of C.S. Lewis in his entertaining and enlightening epistolary novel, The Screwtape Letters, written in 1942.

My dear gentledevils,

I keep returning to the number one rule of demonic ventriloquism: Don’t get caught. I do this not to bore you, although that might be an additional benefit for my pleasure. It is of paramount importance to our cause. Our ideas do not stand the light of conscious scrutiny. We can only win by engulfing the world in darkness. Fortunately, we have acquired a powerful cloaking technology: conspiracy theories.

In the olden days, the humans were not afraid to attribute actions and events to spiritual forces. At times, this was a significant nuisance that ruined the projects of many talented demons. Our Father Below had mixed feelings about this. He liked being given credit for diabolic actions but shining a light on our shady business retarded our progress.

However, when we were able to spread atheism, we suddenly got unexpected help from our human allies. When spiritual explanations fell into disrepute, the humans secularized the spiritual forces and directed their focus toward human influences instead.

State v. Religion

It is not unlike how when atheists stop believing in the almighty Enemy, they start believing in an all-powerful state instead. Their beliefs merely migrate elsewhere. Similarly, when people stopped believing in demonic influence, they started believing in human conspiracies instead.

At first, we thought we could cloak our ventriloquism as human conspiracies. We soon learned that successful collusion is exceedingly rare and easy to expose when it happens. However, we noticed that humans who have lost their knowledge of spiritual forces are desperate to believe, so we changed our tactic: Make humans believe in ridiculous and easily debunked conspiracy theories such as flat earth or fake moon landings.

How did this help us? Many humans have a good sense of spiritual influence, but since they no longer are religious, they have no language and concepts to express themselves because we have stolen their words.

Often, they express their intuition in a way that sounds like a conspiracy. Thus, anyone who clumsily senses demonic ventriloquism can therefore be labeled and dismissed as crazy conspiracy theorists! It allows us to hide in plain sight. As an added benefit, when a real conspiracy on a rare occasion happens, it too will be dismissed as crazy nonsense. I love it when that happens!

Therefore, dear gentledevils, whenever you feel that someone is sensing your presence, try to influence their thoughts to explain it with a crackpot theory. The sillier, the better. They will be dismissed as crazy. Once we learned this technique, we were able to keep our operatives active longer. It allows us to inch ever closer to plunging the world into eternal darkness.

But even if you are not in any danger of being caught, you should grab any opportunity to push your patient toward a ridiculous conspiracy theory because it provides evidence to the other humans that only insane people entertain such ideas. It will also give you a well-deserved burst of wicked pleasure in knowing that they are not crazy, just possessed. Their anguish can be quite exhilarating for you.

Well, that seems like a fitting and uplifting place to end this lecture. I see wicked smirks in the audience. Enjoy it because you have much hard work ahead of you for Our Father Below!

 

Until next time,

Professor Thornside

Previous lectures by the (not-so) good professor, include: Demonic VentriloquismTruth Is a lieWord Control Is Mind Control, A Happy Coincidence, Outshine the Enemy, Make Them Hate the Rainbow, The Art of a Devil’s Bargain, No Forgiveness and No Escape, Genie In A Crowd, Existence Is Violence, Divide And Conquer, Steal Their Nature, Season’s Greetings And Happy Holidays., The Power Of Socialism, Human Sacrifice, Beware The Innocent, and Demonize Your Enemies.

~

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