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Heartlanders are still bringing in the harvest and enjoying a very mild autumn. As Election Day approaches, most voters are once again trending back to whatever political party they are registered to vote in and will likely, symbolically, pull the lever for Democratic or Republican candidates dutifully unless there is a personal connection. Campaign shenanigans are nearly over, the dreaded October Surprise stayed tucked away for another day, and it’s all hands on deck for an election hangover.
Rest assured, about half the country will still be angry come Wednesday morning, but which half? Heartlanders wonder what will happen to Alaska’s decoy Dan Sullivan once he’s found, why another effeminate man is adding to his ever-expanding Record of Arrests and Prosecutions (Rap sheet), and why they're miffed about having to change their clocks this weekend. Ah, the sweet smell of bipartisan unity.
Shelf Life Is Past Due, Ding Dong
It’s all fun and games until a convoy of nondescript black SUVs rolls up your driveway. You might ask yourself if, in your spirited online discussions, you could have misguidedly triggered the Illuminati? Or perhaps a more obvious reason would be because you went full idiot with the keystrokes. And another thing is the unmistakable suggestion that online antics have graduated from “just blowing off steam” to “now being discussed by federal authorities.” According to prosecutors, Anthony Daniel Palazzolo allegedly used his own Facebook account to send threatening messages aimed at FBI Director Kash Patel and, at times, the entire Federal Bureau of Investigation. The big dummy. The FBI doesn’t like that at all. Palazzolo maybe did not think it through when he allegedly posted: “This is Baby Bird i [sic] put a hit on you and btw [Patel] he is a dead mf too.” Clandestine accounts are all the rage among trolls, but his lack of common sense prevailed.
In Michigan, Bernadette Stoll reminded us that we still have to “pray for stupid people.” The alleged wannabe mass murderer even decided that the US Secret Service was a target. Palazzolo claimed he was planning to storm the Detroit office and “use deadly force against every single one of you government officials–FBI, Secret Service will all be (Bleepity bleep) killed.”
Palazzolo has a fabulous criminal dossier from a few states – Texas, Florida, and Michigan – for a variety of tantalizing crimes including false reports of bomb threats and terrorist activity. He is also known on social media for a really snazzy shade of lipstick – mauve meets peach colored. And he brought out the curious on his preferred platform for threats, Facebook. A Michigan guy, Vittorio Basilisco, went in for a good scolding: “You are Italian and you’re a disgrace! You want to put a hit on the man that is protecting your country and you’re in Chesterfield!! Who are your parents bc they need a serious discussion. Stupid kid!” The Chesterfield part must be an inside joke.
And there really is no figuring out the name game this week because also in Michigan was this guy, Gerry Palazzola, who commented: “What a surprise!” Coincidental or what?
The Name Game – Danny, Danny, Bo Banny
“What’s in a name, that which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet." Yeah, well, Shakespeare did not predict the crazy election of 2026, and there’s a lot of fragrant wannabes out there clogging up the minds of the electorate.
It has happened before. In the 1990s, Arizona had a US Sen. Jon Kyl. Then there was a state senator with a new name, also John Kyle, but you get the reasons behind the change: name recognition. Washington state had a 2024 weird run for governor: Three Bob Fergusons. Indiana has a Beau Bayh and a Beau Baird, and some locals have decided not to vote for either candidate.
But this is a whole new kind of political strange: Alaska is knee-deep in the name Dan Sullivan. Well, there are two on the ballot. Decoy Dan, the independent Alaska Senate candidate formally named Daniel J. Sullivan Jr., has been accused of entering the race to draw votes from the “original,” Republican Sen. Dan S. Sullivan. The new Dan Sullivan left his hometown days before the election, but where was he headed?
Andrew Worhatch, a local fisherman, thought the extra Sullivan’s candidacy was, in a word, fishy. “I don’t think it’s a serious candidacy. I haven’t seen a platform,” he told CBS.
Here’s the sticky wicket: Dan Sullivan number two fled right before The New York Times published an investigation allegedly linking his candidacy to a recruitment effort involving people associated with Democrat Mary Peltola’s campaign. Did the campaign just put an ad up that said something along the lines of: “Dan Sullivan needed to mess up an election. Call if you have the name” on Marketplace? Both Peltola and the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee are saying they had nothing to do with this man’s candidacy.
“It’s just embarrassing to think that we, a small fishing village, have such a hoaxer,” resident Darla Kowalski told the network.
In Asheboro, NC, Lawrence Cranford just had to connect the dots: “Rumor has it he has moved to Minnesota and opened up a Learing Center.” Oh, Minnesota, that is going to stick around for a while.
From the Back Forty folks had a good time with the sneers and jeers, but one sobering thought kept poking its nose into the discussion and was repeated by several folks, including the locals in Alaska: “What if he wins?”
The Weekend Half the Nation Dreads – Not Election Day
It’s this weekend, like America doesn’t have enough to worry about at the polls, with daylight saving time putting a damper on everything. Clocks will fall back until the late evenings come back when spring rolls around and evening light returns. It makes one feel like it’s really over and winter is just around the corner. Of course, the US Congress couldn’t even decide on this issue – let alone much else. But lots of folks are talking about it.
In Illinois, Kevin Rolley, although tired of talking about DST, still had a say: “Your preference is likely dictated by your location within your time zone. Or, maybe, depends on if you’re a ‘morning person’ or an ‘evening person.’ For me, keep it Daylight Savings [sic] Time all year round! Getting dark at 4:30pm is depressing.”
Mike Hulburt in Crossville, TN, was not happy about the twice-a-year inconvenience: “Stop changing clocks. But let’s split the difference, and screw with most of the rest of the world, and Fall Back 30 minutes and lock in.”
In Kansas, Gary Donovan came to discuss: “Stay with it, but keep it at daylight savings [sic] time. We love the sun going down at 9:10 pm in the Midwest. People are spending money for evenings, patios, meat, golf, country clubs, beer, wine sales, etc. Farmers like working late in the light [rather] than in the dark.” A long and strange trip around the barn on that comment, but it was correct: Farmers like later in the evening daylight.
And the wait will be over on Sunday, March 14, 2027.
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Editor's Note: From the Back Forty is Liberty Nation's longest running and most popular weekly column.
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