The Midterm Madness Brings More Than Just Election Shenanigans

Election Day is coming – and the rural folk of Middle America have voting on their minds. The ins, the outs, and the ballots (stuffed or otherwise) were the talk of the town in much of the heartland. But the midterm madness brings more than just election shenanigans. While that discussion was happening, others picked up the “how weird is this” ball and ran around with it, thanking the good Lord it wasn’t in their backyards. Riddle me this: What’s the strangest name to cross the airwaves this week? The hands-down winner is Quantrivious Shavers. Flyover folks wondered if they should even try to make the mess look pretty.

The Midterm Malaise

Getting people to the polls to cast a midterm ballot is difficult. Getting them to talk about it is easy-peasy. Early voting is just about to start in several states, and whether you like it or not, some will allow mail-in, others will take what seems like decades to process, and others still will simply go old school: Get there, show ID, cast your vote, get a sticker, and go home to fix supper on Election Day. Everyone has something to say about things like “balance of power” or “commies” or even the conspiracies of both sides of the same coin trying to lose just enough to motivate a good following leading into 2028.

There is no poll that can get it right this far out (there usually never is), no crystal ball or even a Magic 8-Ball. So, everyone will just have to wait it out and see what transpires on November 3 when polls officially close.

Heartlanders basically repeated these two talking points: Go in person and balance of power. For example, Cathy Spelker in Concord, NC, said: “I just had surgery and have my ballot made out. I will not mail it. I have a walker and my [daughter-in-law] will take me and I will hand deliver it and watch them write it in the book.”

And then a few math equations later in Fergus Falls, MN, Tanner Johnson wanted to lay fears to rest on one or the other party conquering the vote: “It won't, Republicans can add seats if the 2024 crowd show up.” Still midterms, Tanner.

But in Pink Hill, NC, Daren Howard just needed clarification: “Just to make it clear, how many times do we get to vote?”

Trump and the Danish New Deal?

President Donald Trump announced that the United States will have “permanent control over security” in Greenland after cutting a brand-new deal with Denmark. The administration says they now have the “complete ability to do what is necessary in Greenland,” according to a Friday Truth Social post. It’s a lot like the last one that held for about 80 years or so, but it goes a bit farther – and folks are praising the unflinching efforts to settle this tense issue in the middle of a war with Iran. Well, Trump is the master of the art of the deal.

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Robert G. Flores, in Wildwood, MO, liked the outcome: “It’ll be ours - after five years, they’ll ‘self-determine’ to become a US Territory to enjoy all economic benefits too.” Okay, Flores is thinking ahead.

In Houston, Mike Germany pointed out a little different wording: “The previous agreement end date was tied to ‘as long as NATO exists.' This new one probably removes that language and makes it timeless. Although you could argue NATO probably gonna exist forever anyway.”

And Jeff Steele in Fishers, IN, offered: “The EU says Thank You!!” Posts from the Greenland heartland folks were too salty.

A Crime Most Fowl

Well, what the cluck just happened in Memphis, TN? A news release from the US Marshals Service in Memphis says that what began as a go-get-anyone-with-a-warrant sweep became a chicken-rustling roundup. Well, also discovered were a couple of handguns, some drugs, and a variety of other allegedly stolen shiny objects.

A dozen chicken-coop violators were caught in the dragnet. But even though this is a tale of weird proportions just on the surface, get this: One of the thieves caught in the net was a guy named Quantrivious Shavers. Who sat around 25 years ago and decided their kid would be one on the playground getting duct-taped to the tetherball pole? Well, you won’t find that name on a keychain at the Cracker Barrel or a bad Scrabble rack or even any other contemporary that won’t reduce the guy to ridicule.

In Utah, David Christensen remarked: “If they’d named him Chris or Mark, he’d be married with 2 kids and a 9-5.”

But is it nurture or nature or blatant disregard for the shelf life of your kid’s name? Or was this monstrous moniker one of his own choosing upon reaching adulthood? If you put the name into any search engine bar and hit return, you will eventually get an education on the Kabalarian Philosophy and find that this name “create(s) an overly-sensitive nature which causes you to sense and feel far more than you can understand or put into words.” Yeah, maybe not this guy.

Also, “You have a deep, artistic, and creative side which shows through a love for music and literature.” Well, he did not steal from the Bookmobile.

And: “You have an ability to concentrate and work intently on anything which holds your interest. However, you prefer to avoid routine, monotony, and menial tasks.” Apparently, the thing that most holds his interest is stealing a lot of chickens.

So, the Kabalarian naming thing started, of course, in Canada, in 1930 by Alfred J. Parker — not Packer the cannibal; that’s a different mentality. But for now, Quantrivious Shavers is having his 15 minutes of fame, and we wish him well because who knows how this will go over in the pokey.

Robert Sterling Culver, coming in hot from Wayside, MS, dropped a bomb and left the discussion: “Weird how so many names sound like STDs.”

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Editor's Note: From the Back Forty is Liberty Nation's longest running and most popular weekly column.