The Washington Post has, for some time, struggled to attain the level of respect usually reserved only for the National Enquirer or British tabloids. This vaunted publication, named for its standing in the nation’s capital (“Washington” for the District of Columbia and “Post,” meaning “posterior”), could now be facing a lawsuit over its publication Tuesday of an article that was written for well-known satirical publication The Onion.
The article in question was labeled ‘opinion’ but was, in fact, a brilliant – nay, ingenious – send-up of political hypocrisy. Its author? None other than Susan Rice. Rice was appointed by former Community Organizer Barack H. Obama – previously known to his Columbia classmates as “Barry Two Joints” or “Who?” – to represent the United States at the New World Order Golf and Country Club, or United Nations. She then became national security advisor; that in itself is hilarious (and sad) – but there’s more.
Rice’s article is headlined “When the White House twists the truth, we are all less safe.”
Let that sink in. Put down the coffee cup, the scissors, the Glock 19 or any other object that may cause serious injury, should you go into convulsions. Google it, if you must. Take two Percocet, rest up for the day and read the remainder of this article in the morning.
Good Morning!
Susan Rice, known for her charm, integrity and wonderful sense of humor, penned this Pythonesque masterpiece for The Onion. There simply is no other rational explanation. Rice is infamous for one thing; her part in the Obama administration’s Benghazi cover-up.
Following the September 11, 2012, attack on the U.S. Consulate in Benghazi, Libya, which left the United States ambassador and three other Americans dead, Rice was honored to be chosen for a very special project; taking the fall for then-Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.
Interviewed on the CBS show Face the Nation, just days after the attack, Rice courageously blathered her way through a circuitous explanation of events that culminated in the Benghazi attack:
Based on the best information we have to date, what our assessment is, as of the present, is in fact….it began spontaneously in Benghazi as a reaction to what had transpired some hours earlier in Cairo, where, of course as you know, there was a violent protest outside of our embassy, err, sparked by this, err, hateful video.
During the interview, Rice would have come over as more coherent, knowledgeable and honest if she had simply stuck her thumbs in her ears, wiggled her fingers and yelled “Booga, Booga, Booga!”
Speaking on Meet the Press, Rice mouthed the same talking points. “What happened in Benghazi was in fact, initially, a spontaneous reaction…” [to protests in Cairo, allegedly sparked by the “hateful video”].
The date of the Cairo protests and the Benghazi attack, September 11, was – it must be assumed – pure coincidence. But the truth has a way of slithering out in such circumstances. The Benghazi attack was a pre-planned assault by Islamist extremists.
It is far too painful – in a hilarious way – to dwell upon the contents of Rice’s article. A few literary gems should be shared, however, for the betterment of mankind.
This is what Susan Rice wrote, referring to President Trump’s statements on wiretapping: “[These] false statements from the White House are part of a disturbing pattern of behavior that poses real and potentially profound dangers to U.S. national security.”
Seriously, Susan. Did you actually write that after everything you’ve said and done?
Speaking of the United States’ “global leadership,” Rice writes “It is also grounded in the perception that the United States is steady, rational and fact-based.” Steady, rational and fact-based. Susan, you keep using those words. Tell me please: Do you think they mean what you think they mean?
Ms. Rice proceeds on, but your tears and screams of anguish will make it all a blur.
So, here is the dénouement to little tale: The Washington Post is now in talks with the Disney Corporation for all future rights to everything it publishes. And Susan Rice’s biography reads thus: Ms. Rice has published several self-help books, including ‘How to Keep a Straight Face’ and ‘It’s Not You, It’s the Internet: Ten Best Lines for Ending Relationships.’ She lives in the woods with Hillary Clinton and runs her own YouTube channel.
