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Presidential Contenders Don’t Impress the Heartland

Will the declared independents claim a pansexual witch as their candidate?

Editor’s Note: From the Back Forty is Liberty Nation’s longest running and most popular weekly column. Capturing the truth each week from heartlanders in flyover states, LN gives voice to the hard-working Americans otherwise ignored by the coastal elites.

It was all any heartlander could do to hope someone, anyone, might emerge as a presidential contender in the GOP debate in Milwaukee. Alas, even the most faithful felt that prickle of fear after watching the scrum of second-tier contenders. On the other hand, number 45 did not perform that well in his interview with Tucker Carlson. Still, Republicans had a reprieve as the current president all but flipped the bird at Maui by spending a few minutes – too little too late – telling locals he feels their pain. Hex (pun intended), even the witches are revolting against the Democratic Party.

Who Won the GOP Debate?

The first chance Americans got to see the lineup of eight potential candidates was possibly the worst debate since Democrats filled the stage in 2019 and attempted to speak a combination of Spanish and new LGBTQ+ vernacular. Few made remarks different from the MAGA agenda, and those who compared themselves to Donald Trump fell even shorter.

But through the lackluster performances, the media platform Politico found a winner in Vivek Ramaswamy:

“Viewers of the debate couldn’t stop Googling his name – it was Googled over 1 million times in the last 24 hours (and that’s not counting all the searches that incorrectly spelled his name). Overnight, the millionaire millennial political newcomer has become a major factor in the race.”

To which one woman in Kansas responded, quite mystified: “As a formerly staunch lifelong Republican, I will leave the party if that buffoon is the best the GOP can come up with,” Laurie Landis Tafoya said. “Not a threat—I’m afraid I’ll have to send RSVP regrets. The world is no longer laughing at us; they are stunned.”

Forget Everyone in Maui?

President Joe Biden has been called out for his absolute disregard for the country and the citizens he was elected to serve and protect. It was ten days after Maui burned to ashes, and when questioned by a reporter about the rising death toll on the island, he said: “No comment.” He followed that major misstep by forgetting where the fires had been, saying, “the one where you see on television all of the time.”

Perhaps he was trying to rub the dookie off his loafer when he briefly cut short his second vacation in as many weeks to hop on over to the ravaged Pacific paradise. He laughed when he felt the heat under his shoes. He then compared the situation to his minor kitchen fire that could have been worse, claiming he could have lost his wife, the cat, and his prized Corvette. If one dared ask Hugh Catron of Noblesville, IN, his opinion, he would and did state: “Biden’s cat would make a better President!”

getty image biden

(Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images)

The FEMA workers on the ground, confirmed by Spokesperson Darrell Habisch, are staying in luxury at a 5-star hotel. But it’s not as bad as it looks: “FEMA personnel are not taking away hotel rooms from any survivors at all.” To top it all off, FEMA set up its command post nowhere near the survivors. It was more in the middle of the island, whereas the destruction was mostly on the West side. Survivors can’t get there on foot without help.

As Lance Escobido, a Hawaiian native now in Vegas, asked: “How does FEMA get its logistics so wrong??? Is this their first rodeo or just a reflection of the incompetent administration running the White House…#VoteRed.” There were protesters galore lining the motorcade route, and Joe Biden was soon packed up and shipped back to his rental in Tahoe.

Pansexual Witch Throws Pointy Hat Into the Presidential Fray

Meet Brittany Jones, a pro-gun “pansexual” who has launched her campaign for the highest office in the land on TikTok. Her site cleverly reads, “Elect the first witch president. Biden could stop the genocide happening in our country today, but he’s not because he doesn’t care! I’m not for restricting the type of gun you can own. I am for common sense gun laws.” She has an actual platform with issues, plans, and white papers. For those who wonder what the ever-changing LGBTQ+ vocabulary translates to, pansexual is basically bi-sexual, and you’re welcome. (Who wants to look that up on a Sunday?) They feel attraction “without noticing their gender,” according to WebMD.

Brittany is also a self-proclaimed “vocal advocate for the separation of church and state, a principle that she believes is essential to ensure religious freedom for all Americans and her own community as a Pagan.” Could she be as bad as what we elected in 2020?

Is she to be taken seriously? That depends on if the lessons of the previous presidential election are yet to be learned. But in Oak Grove, MO, Stephanie Dittman stated without rancor: “That’s a negative ghost rider.”

Read More From Sarah Cowgill

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