Satire: Everything Is Confusing Everyone

It is a dangerous time we live in. Every one of us can almost guarantee that everyone we know is either a sexual predator or is colluding with the Russians. Maybe both. If you know of someone who doesn’t fit into either one of these categories, they are probably a white supremacist.

No-one is innocent; no-one is normal. The tempo of crazy is speeding up with every passing day. Even those, such as myself, who subscribe to no religion, must surely start to suspect that the apocalypse is not far off.

A Disturbing Lack of Insight

After an Uzbeki immigrant killed eight people in New York – acting in the name of the Islamic State – President Donald Trump publicly expressed his desire to see this terrorist face the death penalty. GQ magazine, which will not be rebranded as IQ magazine anytime soon, was quick to point out the president’s hypocrisy.

Why – these intellectual giants asked – did Trump call for the death penalty for this Manhattan terrorist but not for the Las Vegas shooter? Why indeed! It is equally disturbing that Trump has never once called for the death penalty for Osama bin Laden, Adolf Hitler or John Wayne Gacey. Think about it. In fact….no, don’t think about it.

Great People Deserve Statues

Who deserves a statue? What are the criteria? Throughout human history, it has been common practice to erect statues that immortalize those who, through achievement or sheer character – good or bad – have impacted society. Founders of nations, great thinkers, and artists, explorers, and inventors have been commemorated in this way.

Now, it seems, we must tear down the statues of those whose achievements we should not celebrate. The leaders of the Confederacy no longer deserve statues, apparently. Some even argue that the Founding Fathers themselves don’t deserve statues.

Former Washington Democratic D.C. Mayor Marion Barry (D-sgusting) does deserve a statue, apparently. And why not? Barry worked hard to keep crack-dealers and prostitutes in gainful employment, while deftly avoiding the taxman. Vince Gray, a D.C. councilmember, says of the proposed statue of Barry “It’s the right thing to do.”

If you hear the sound of approaching hooves, don’t worry; it’s just the four horsemen.

Everything Must Be Investigated

Remaining inside the Beltway, it appears that everyone is investigating everyone and the president wants anyone who is not being investigated to be investigated.

It’s possible that we will soon be at the point where certain politicians are being investigated for their failure to investigate other investigators. No-one can give anyone else a straight answer about why said investigations are taking place or what evidence is being uncovered to justify further investigation. No-one knows anything; no-one paid anyone any money for anything and no-one colluded with anyone – except that everyone colluded with everyone else. Is that clear enough?

Heaven forbid anyone in Washington actually spends their time working on useful legislation. There simply is no time, what with all the investigating and stuff.

Antifa launched its grand revolution Saturday. A lot of money and planning went into this earth-shaking event. All across the nation, tens of protesters turned out to topple the president.

Meh.

Human civilization is facing its final curtain. Everything is falling into place. There will be one event that triggers the final, chaotic collapse; an event that will surely tear the very fabric of space and time, causing all of us to simply disappear up our own behinds. Being the Nostradamus of our time, this writer can now reveal what that event will be. In a mind-blowing twist of dramatic irony, it will be the Greeks – founders of modern western civilization – who bring it all crashing down: George Stephanopoulos will interview George Papadopoulos.