She turned and walked slowly away from the inaugural podium with a knowing smile, enveloped by the cheers of an adoring nation now transfixed on their dear leader. The shattered glass lay in shards beneath the hem of her pantsuit. It was a scene no one will ever forget.
As we reflect on her memorable rise to power and these first hundred plus days of the Hillary Clinton administration, hindsight is 20-20. It always figured to turn out this way, now didn’t it? I mean, we all knew Hillary would eventually become President Clinton. It was meant to be.
Those character flaws were real, but manageable in the end. After all, she was running against the only person in the country with higher negatives. Donald Trump was the gift that kept on giving, until the Trump train was fully and finally derailed on Election Day. How lucky she was to run against such an obviously deplorable low-life. Such a nasty man.
We are all well aware of that Access Hollywood tape which will live in infamy as the final nail in the Trump coffin – the one which assured a progressive America for as far as the eye can see. But the die was cast long before that. As much as was made of her supposed dishonesty, Hillary was just so obviously over-qualified for the job, so obviously the smartest person in every room, that when Americans really thought about it, they realized that they must not let this opportunity pass.
So, what to make of her first hundred plus days in office? We all know of her most controversial act, but let us not overreact to the imprisonment of Donald Trump on charges of violating those new federal speech codes ordered by the 45th President. After all, the inaugural crowd persisted in their chant of “lock him up,” and the President-Elect had already made clear on Election Night that this would surely be her first executive act. And let’s face it – Trump had it coming to him.
The Democrat-controlled Congress who rode in on Hillary’s coattails were so emboldened by her blowout victory that they heartily embraced these reasonable measures to strike down purveyors of hate speech like Mr. Trump. And to make certain they could offend no more.
Forcing Trump to beg for mercy at her feet in front of a national TV audience seemed excessive to some, but how did you expect her to react when he refused her polite request to surrender to authorities? Especially since she made the merciful offer to spare him the indignity of leg irons with the now officially state-controlled media capturing every moment of this high drama. (No need for the orange as he already had that covered.) But in the end, a good time was had by all. Keith Olbermann, liberated from his dementia-addled grandmother’s basement (after being turned out by his mother), was even seen dancing in the streets to the sweet sounds of the rap classic, “We Got Bitches.” Finally, the nation has come around to his way of thinking!
The president’s other executive orders – federally-mandated transgender bathrooms, shuttering the fossil fuel industries that were killing the environment, tearing down all existing border walls and replacing them with Welcome!!! (actually, Bienvenido!!!) signs, ordering additional truckloads of unmarked cash for our allies in Iran – have been well-received by almost everyone. The lone exception, of course, are the alt-right traitors who were rounded up and placed in those newly-renovated detention camps which were going to rack and ruin since the Japanese-Americans were released from them after World War II. Think of all the jobs this renovation has created, even those with the paltry new federal minimum wage of twenty-five dollars an hour.
For the sake of unity, it is imperative that we put to rest these scurrilous rumors about the sudden deaths of so many thorns in the Clintons’ side. Sure, Vladimir Putin, Julian Assange, James Comey, Kathleen Willey, Paula Jones and Juanita Brodderick may have all died recently under mysterious circumstances – coincidentally, all in single car accidents – but there is not a shred of evidence that the deaths were related. Not one shred.
Forcing the dissolution of Fox News was a master stroke on the part of the new president. How is she expected to push through her forward-looking agenda when those racist, sexist, xenophobic, homophobic fascists are mucking up the works with their biased reporting? Heck, before she put them out of their misery, Fox even ran a story that some Americans actually voted for Trump. You won’t hear the respectable establishment-state media reporting on trash like that.
Indeed, the legacy-state media has properly given our new President due respect, while still doing the tough reportage. In one case, as we know, they were bold enough to report that Bill Clinton’s banishment from those ladies teas frequently hosted by first ladies – actually, first spouses – was the result of his clever escape from the newfangled, app-driven chastity belt ordered by the President. Who said the media is biased?
And Bill’s decision to follow in the footsteps of Nancy Reagan’s “Just Say No” campaign by making breast cancer awareness his principal interest demonstrated that the man hasn’t lost his touch.
Chelsea Clinton has fit like a glove in the role of Ethics Advisor to the President. Her famous distaste for money and power have positioned her with a level of moral and ethical authority surpassed only by her mother the President. And Chelsea’s brilliant selection of Webster Hubbell as her chief deputy signals a rightful return to the stage of a person who perfectly personifies the Clinton dynasty.
Huma Abedin’s crucial role in enabling our new President led Hillary to create a brand new position perfectly suited to Huma – Lady-In-Waiting. The President’s brother, Hugh Rodham, has effectively shaken off those obviously trumped-up charges of taking hundreds of thousand of dollars to buy a pardon from the first President Clinton for a criminal convicted of fraud, and is uniquely equipped to serve this President as Secretary of the Treasury. And the Department of Justice is surely in good hands under the leadership of Attorney General Sidney Blumenthal, yet another personification of the best this President has to offer.
While Al Sharpton may appear to be an unconventional choice for the Supreme Court, we can all understand Hillary’s need to keep her progressive base satisfied. And while The Rev. Sharpton may not be a lawyer, he is a man of the cloth. That has to mean something.
Meanwhile, as all of America celebrates Madam President, the entire world has become Hillary’s oyster. Consider her deft maneuver in shooting down Russian planes to enforce her new no-fly zone over Syria – repeated threats of nuclear retaliation aside. Or her non-aggression pact with Venezuela. Or the big one – her shrewd agreement to immediately turn over all US nuclear weapons to the United Nations in return for Kim Jung-Un’s promise to give up his if he ever gets one built. Who said only Trump knows the art of the deal?
But proof positive of Clinton’s success is the memorable statement of the venerable Secretary of State Maxine Waters, who hailed the Clinton presidency as “…already the greatest in American history…Hillary has really stopped those Russians from continuing their takeover of Korea.” The widely respected Progressive added, “I have full confidence that she and I can stop the Chinese from invading India.”
If President Clinton could accomplish all of this when she’s just gotten started, just imagine what the nation will look like when she’s finished.