Since the government shutdown ended and Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) benefits were restored, it was time to sniff out the less argumentative and more amusing political antics. Heartlanders stumbled across another doleful songstress taking sissy jabs at President Donald Trump. What was meant to be a show of tech superiority by Russia superiorly and publicly faceplanted. And, of course, white folks are in trouble again. Who needs a government shutdown to argue about? Not the heartland.
Hello From the Other Side
Super mournful pop star Adele, who routinely makes angels weep as she suffers some new romantic trauma, is mad at the Donald. Somewhere resonating in the pop-o-sphere is Adele’s spicy message from a British citizen to an American president: “This isn't leadership; it's fearmongering." Of course, her comments are aimed at Trump’s illegal immigration policies. The singer called it “heartless cruelty” and then threatened legal action if need be.
Tom McAllister in Cottonwood, AZ, had to balance the scales: “I’ve always loved her music. I don’t know why she wants to weigh in on political matters of a country she is not a citizen of when lives in a target rich country to criticize, the UK.”
Josh Ashworth checked in from Murfreesboro, TN: “We quit caring what the British think in 1776.” Yes, a common statement in the Heartland when our friends across the pond don’t act neighborly. Regardless of political stances, Adele is a talented star whom most of us can listen to all day. Let’s all hope she stops Rolling in the Deep of her symptomatic TDS.
Oh, Russia
Russia has unveiled what might be the most significant case of AI in the world as we know it: The first humanoid robot. The android named AIDOL was ready to wow about 50 journalists and the robotics industry worldwide. As excited audience members waited in anticipation, the theme song from Rocky, Gonna Fly Now, began to blare over the speakers. It was a brick through a Tesla marketing moment for the robo-clutz as he waved, then careened and crumpled after taking just a few halting steps. It was hard not to compare the thing flailing on the floor with former President Biden and his shuffling steps, weird gait, and ensuing heated temper flare-ups.
Ironically enough, as staffers scrambled to turn the thing off or cover him with a black drape, the theme song played on, with the line “Trying hard now! It’s so hard now!” echoing through the small auditorium. Somewhere in Russia, someone has jumped out a window over this.
Organizers blamed the fall on "calibration and lighting issues." That’s comforting – dim the lights and AI loses control.
In Nebraska, Jane Wilson fretted: “Those clowns couldn't even get a black drape up correctly LOL! What a bunch of buffoons. Seriously though I wonder if they're still alive today?”
In Fort Worth, Chris Wood has some real advice: “WARNING, don’t take a drink before watching the robot face plant. My cat is still mad and covered in soda.”
Being a Fashion Icon: It Hurts
America’s former first lady, Michelle Obama, sat down with actress Tracee Ellis Ross last week for a frank and seemingly painful discussion about her new fashion book, The Look. They talked about Michelle’s fashion choices and the scrutiny she perceives she has endured all these years. Obama said her exposure to the “high end of Chicago” taught her a lesson. “And to access those places and not be accused of stealing, you realize very early on that you better let them hear you talk, or come in with the right Le Sac case, or else you would be watched,” the former first lady said.
According to Obama, white people are responsible for most black people not wanting to swim and, therefore, never being taught. As a white woman with kinky hair, I get that. While straight-haired beauties flitted poolside, the rest of us cowered from being dunked. “And we run away from the water — people won’t go to the gym, because we’re trying to keep our hair straight for y’all. It is exhausting, and it’s so expensive and it takes up so much time!” she explained with a straight face.
But that’s not a white societal norm as much as it is a current fad. Hairstyles come and go – some days, Cher is curly, others her hair is perfectly straight. Maybe Michelle should have lunch with Cher and get comfy in her own skin.
Jimbo Bennet, in Illinois, responded: “That took a lot of ----s.” I think what Jimbo means is the courage to call out the white man on his style norms.
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