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The Immigration Crisis Whodunnit: A Favorite White House Game

It's Satire Time: Trump or maybe even gravity might be to blame – but not Joe Biden.

by | Jan 5, 2024 | Articles, Opinion, Satire

The Biden administration’s Ministry of Excuses has been working overtime since its creation on April 1, 2021, but, in recent weeks, it has focused on its greatest challenge yet. With so many “migrants” crossing the southern US border that Mexican authorities have posted signs reading: “Last one out please turn off the lights,” the MOE is feverishly dreaming up ways to convince everyone that none of this mess is Joe Biden’s fault. If telling people that the immigration crisis is nothing more than a right-wing conspiracy theory doesn’t work, the fine folks at the Ministry of Excuses have plenty of creative takes on reality to feed the weary American people.

Satire banner newIn the beginning – and by that, we mean the beginning of the end for the border – the administration line was that the frontier is secure. White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre said as much on more than one occasion, with a completely straight face, amazingly. Apparently, the mass of humanity filmed every week trekking to the border from Central and South America and parts unknown were merely sightseeing parties.

Immigration Crisis Definitely Not Biden’s Fault

When it became obvious more recently that describing the border as “secure” was about as honest as calling Joe Biden youthful, the narrative changed. Now, it has become Donald Trump’s fault. Confusing? Yes. The border is secure, but if it isn’t, then that’s the fault of the guy who has been out of office for three years.

After that, it was House Republicans who were causing the problem. It has never been clear how Republicans created the immigration crisis, but the latest from standup comedienne Jean-Pierre is that the impeachment investigation of Joe Biden is the obstacle. “There’s a lot of ways that we can work with Congress instead of them going after the president’s family,” she stuttered recently. Investigating a president is counterproductive? Who knew?

But the experts at MOE had better material than that. In December of 2023, border encounters with illegal aliens hit a mind-bending 300,000. What does Joe Biden, the big guy himself, have to say about it? “Well, we gotta do something,” Biden told reporters on January 2 after falling out of Marine One at the White House. “They [Republicans] ought to give me the money I need to protect the border.”

Not enough money to secure the border. Perhaps Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky could spot us a few bucks. After all, the US has sent him enough money to literally build a wall of dollar bills around his country.

Homeland Insecurity Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas may have come up with the best excuse yet, though. Interviewed recently on MSNBC, he pinned the blame for the immigration crisis on “the effects of climate change, poverty, the increasing level of authoritarianism.”

Presumably, climate change, poverty, and authoritarianism did not exist before Biden got to the White House. Americans could look around at their country today and decide that sounds about right.

Administration insiders may or may not have told Liberty Nation that, as the Biden 2024 campaign ramps up, a slew of new “causes” for the immigration crisis will be focus-grouped. The January 6, 2021, “insurrection” probably has something to do with it, these insiders might have said, though they haven’t quite worked out the details of that one. The earth tilting on its axis and causing people to tumble from the southern to the northern hemisphere seems like a winner.

Other possible scapegoats include Putin, Trump – again – Argentina’s new libertarian president, penguins, transphobia, and the coal industry.

Meanwhile, those who object to the unchecked influx of aliens might want to consider this: If the Biden administration gets its way and the entire Atlantic coast and Gulf of Mexico is dotted with thousands of wind turbines, would-be migrants will simply not have the strength to battle the resulting hurricane-force winds to take even one step in the direction of the US.

Read More From Graham J Noble

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