Does AOC Want to Date a Republican?

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) probably couldn’t have picked a worse moment to surface in Miami, FL, having a good old time while her fellow New Yorkers continue to suffer the disastrous effects of Democrat policies. Then again, most people would expect the “let them eat cake” attitude from a woman who appears to believe that, because she is a female Democrat of color, she is above reproach. What every self-respecting chauvinist in America cares more about, though, is what revs AOC's engine. Sure, absolute power over all others, being treated like a goddess, and getting to excoriate and belittle her fellow human beings at will are all obviously right up there, but what kind of men does she prefer to date? That's the thing everyone really wants to know.

What nobody saw coming recently was the lovely Alexandria's bizarre – nay, delusional – response to the criticism she received for basking in Florida’s glorious freedom even as her home state transforms into some violent dystopian horror movie. So, what is AOC’s latest fantasy? That every Republican wants to date her and those who cannot are consoling themselves with cheap shots.

"If Republicans are mad they can’t date me they can just say that instead of projecting their sexual frustrations onto my boyfriend’s feet… , “ the congresswoman tweeted on Dec. 31. The reference to her boyfriend’s feet – which, like the rest of him, are incredibly white, making him a curious choice of partner for a woman who spends a great deal of time complaining about white people – was spurred by comments on a photograph of AOC and the said boyfriend drinking al fresco in Miami. He, meaning the boyfriend, was sporting some classy open-toed sandals.

Of course, Ocasio-Cortez was desperate to deflect attention from not only choosing to chill in red-state, freedom-loving Florida while her home city resembles an insane asylum but also inserting her own foot in that exceptionally toothy mouth with a tasteless attack upon the Sunshine State’s governor, Ron DeSantis (R).

Implying that DeSantis was neglecting his duties, AOC claimed he had “been inexplicably missing for like 2 weeks,” whereupon it was pointed out to her by political commentator Joe Colangelo that, like, “Ron DeSantis is taking his wife to cancer treatments over Christmas break.” Several more presumably love-sick conservatives piled on, and the governor’s press secretary Christina Pushaw fired off, “Embarrassing, even for you.”

Just where the incredibly thin-skinned New York bartender-turned-socialist got the notion Republicans are clamoring to date her is, like, unclear. Presumably, there are some men out there who might find her physically attractive – or at least above average or perhaps at the “best I could get” level. But it’s also, like, a pretty solid bet that any Republican man would rather chew off his own arm and beat himself unconscious with the wet end than actually, like, go on a date with AOC.

Perhaps what’s really going on here is that Ocasio-Cortez has let slip her own secret desires. Maybe she looks at her homogeneous, sandal-wearing companion and bites back a deep-rooted hankerin’ for a red-meat-eating, gun-toting, gas-guzzler-driving conservative man who knows the only suitable use for soy is as a Spanish word for “am,” would never wear open-toed sandals because they aren’t tactically suitable, and who is man enough to compete in sports against other men.

This is all not so much a question for political observers, perhaps, but for psychologists – who, quite possibly, are jockeying for a chance to date Ocasio-Cortez. After all, she could probably provide the lucky shrink with enough material for an acclaimed best-seller.

~ Read more from Graham J. Noble.