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‘Breaking Biden’ Hits the Shelves as Biden Nearly Breaks Himself

Heartlanders just want everyone to get on with it.

According to flyover folks, it was a week of chaos and short tempers. Lovers of all things Hamas were keenly disappointed as the so-called international “Day of Jihad” was a fizzle. A new book on the current first family is out and making waves, and the commander-in-chief nearly face-planted – again – tripping up the stairs in Philadelphia. According to heartlanders, this nation is in deep water and the polarized political estate seems paralyzed to act.

Global Unrest

Khaled Meshaal, a hardcore Islamic militant, was one of the original leaders of Hamas. Infuriated that Israel declared war after being rocked by rocket, land, and sea attacks from Hamas, he went about designating Friday, October 13, as the international “Day of Jihad.” Free nations braced for Armageddon.

A teacher was killed and several students injured in a stabbing in France, and the  Louvre Museum and Versailles Palace were evacuated for a potential bomb threat. French President Emmanuel Macron activated 7,000 troops, upping the presence of force to thwart the possible thugs.

In China, there was another stabbed victim, an Israeli Diplomat, presumably under the rage of Jihad. But the US didn’t know much about the threat, and once heartlanders heard about it, no one rushed home to hide behind locked doors. “They surrendered a long time ago,” noted CJ Landry in South Carolina. “The French are the best at giving up before the fight.”

Randall Stine piped up at the Foxhole pub in Warren County, Indiana, and asked: “What exactly are they going to do here? Mass murder some hundreds of thousands of acres of corn? If they take out a combine, cha-ching from the insurance guys.”

“They have 7K soldiers?” That was the comment from Eddie Stapleton in Oklahoma. No one is sure if it was rhetorical.

Breaking Biden

A new book on the current commander-in-chief is out: Breaking Biden. Author Alex Marlow dives deep into the entire Biden family and its personal and business ties with countries that hate America. Appearing on the Tomi Lahren Is Fearless show, he stated without hesitation:

Every single thing [Biden] does is just setting America backwards and making us less secure and poorer. He is a such bigger threat than the way we framed him. We framed him simply as this bumbling nincompoop. He’s much worse than that.”

Okay, aside from embarrassing episodes like shaking hands with invisible people, wandering the wrong way off stages, and tripping up the stairs, is Biden really the boogeyman Marlow paints him to be in the NYT bestseller?

To hear Marlow tell it, yes, yes he is. “Joe Biden is a terrible ally to places like Israel — who have been our friends — and he is a very soft target for our enemies,” he said. “I have the hypothesis that he isn’t quite as dumb as he lets on. I don’t know if he’s totally steering into it, but he certainly uses it to his advantage.”

In Chattanooga, Becky Smith insisted: “You know Barack Obama is running the show.”

Again, With the Biden Slip and Fall

GettyImages-1723100540-min Biden

(Photo by Mark Makela/Getty Images)

In Philadelphia, the robust president of the United States once again had difficulty ascending the two steps to the stage for remarks. He needs a ramp, or as some folks have advised, a piggybacker in the Secret Service. The good news is that he did not have a total wipeout, more of another eye-roll maneuver with the lefties clenching teeth and sucking air.

Using an alias, one commenter in South Dakota simply said: “He’s in about as good of shape as our country. If he thinks any different, he be trippin.'” Pun intended.

But Stanley Mims in Conroe, TX, wasn’t kidding: “That is what the world sees. No plans for success just a plan to bring America down. He doesn’t deserve those aviator glasses.”

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