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Joe Biden took a big “pause” this week, demonstrating that he could follow scripted remarks and not toss in any cannibal chat or defeat Corn Pop on the gang leader’s turf. He did, however, tick off and embarrass the Gray Lady by turning down an interview with the elitist East Coast outlet and, instead, sharing his secrets with Howard Stern, bragging shamelessly of feats he never achieved. “This is not a joke,” as the president often says when telling a whopper. To top the week off in wild and crazy political theater, Michael Avenatti, the slick-suited former lawyer for Stormy Daniels, claims Trump is being railroaded.
With a few short months left in the big rematch, heartlanders cannot understand why they’ve woken up in Bizzaro World.
Biden Blurts
Storytime with Joe Biden is a long-standing tradition that mostly involves fictitious declarations. One media giant in the Big Apple, once seemingly a shill for the administration, has wanted to ask the president the “silent” questions: Can this guy actually make it to November – and, if so, at what cost? And that makes the administration nervous enough to snub a one-on-one interview and opt for a turn on a Sirius Radio program with shock jock Howard Stern. Ouch.
While entertaining the crass commentator, Joe told a few fibs.
Biden imagined a conversation with dear old mom: "She said, ‘Remember when they were desegregating Lynnfield, the neighborhood … suburbia — and I told you — and there was a Black family moving in and there was — people were down there protesting; I told you not to go down there, and you went down, remember that? And you got arrested standing on the porch with a Black family? And they brought you back, the police?’ And I said, ‘Yeah, Mom, I remember that.’"
Yeah. Fact-checked by CNN and The New York Times alike, it turns out that never happened. Here’s what else never happened: Biden saving “half a dozen lives” as a lifeguard, being "runner-up in state scoring" in football in high school years, and all those “salacious” photos from women in the 1970s he turned over to the Secret Service. Senators did not and still do not have Secret Service protection.
Despite such ridiculous fibs, he did drop a bomb: “I don’t know if you’re gonna debate your opponent,” Stern said. “I am, somewhere. I don’t know when, but I’m happy to debate him,” Biden replied.
Bonnie Layhue in Sandusky, OH, ended that particular discussion: “And it's going to look like a Saturday night live skit. This is all a big joke. Our country has gone mad. We look more like the national enquirer than we do the United States of America.”
Walk This Way
Biden staffers have scrambled for three years to make the president appear aware of his surroundings and capable of completing a sentence. Some would say it’s smoke and mirrors. Black Hoka sneakers have replaced the ever-polished tassel loafer. He climbs the short steps to Air Force One, is gated on stage by Biden-Harris signs to keep him from wandering off, and doesn’t walk alone in his own yard. Instead, the shuffling through grass optic has been neutralized to prying press eyes by having a gaggle of aides shield the man on his trek from the White House to board Marine One.
Art Maune in Arkansas was not impressed: “Biden stumbles even with his extra wide special help shoes.”
Well, Well, Well
Remember Michael Avenatti,the guy with the slick Tom Ford suits and color-coordinated pocket square with a Brioni tie and pretentious Windsor knot? He was the darling of CNN and an expert at trolling Trump. Well, it appears he has had some time to think while serving a 14-year sentence for wire fraud and a tax offense. Orange does not look so good on a guy who had to abandon his twice-a-day skincare routine.
Avenatti called into Sean Hannity’s program and offered to testify for his nemesis, Donald Trump:
“The case is grossly unfair, Sean. That’s going to come as a surprise to a lot of people, but I strongly believe that. What is happening right now to President Trump – and let me be clear, I disagree with President Trump on about 95% of the issues at a minimum. But one thing he and I agree on, and that is that the politicization of these cases, and this case in particular, is gross, it’s uncalled for, and it’s flat-out wrong.”
Avenatti continued: “This is an effort to deprive millions of Americans of their choice for president. This guy has been indicted now in four cases up and down the entire East Coast. In this country, we don’t have serial killers who are prosecuted at the same time in four different cases. The timing is wrong, the case is wrong, and he’s not receiving due process.”
You know it’s bad when even Avenatti can see the banana-republic politics of the Trump prosecutions. “This whole country is nuts,” claimed Julie Stanhope.
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