With some exceptions, America’s politicians have successfully conspired to completely ruin Christmas for everybody this year. One could be forgiven for suspecting that the Washington, D.C. elites, along with a number of state governors, legislators, and more than a handful of mayors across the country truly do thrive on making life as miserable as possible for the people they govern. Do any of them deserve more than a lump of coal in their own Christmas stockings? Probably not, but what did they ask Santa to bring them?
Luckily, Liberty Nation has been in contact with senior officials at Santa’s workshop, who have been willing to declassify excerpts of a few lists received from our illustrious rulers – and wannabe rulers.
All I Want for Christmas
Joe Biden submitted a lengthy wish list to Saint Nick. The thing he most wanted was a Ukrainian oligarch willing to adopt his son, Hunter. The next request was for 25 million legitimate ballots so that he could claim to have received 80 million real votes. After that, the presumed president-elect wished for a pony – but not just any pony; Mr. Biden specifically requested a “one-horse pony.” Nobody knows what a one-horse pony is, but it must be something. After all, it’s how Biden recently described Fox News host Peter Doocy after the latter brought up the subject of Hunter’s dodgy business activities.
Perhaps a one-horse pony is what lying, dog-faced pony soldiers ride – we may never know. The rest of the former VP’s list was illegible, but he diligently mailed it off to the South Pole several days ago, we have learned from sources familiar with Biden Basement in Delaware.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) wished for a redo of the November election – not to include the top of the ticket but just enough do-overs to erase all the House losses she suffered. House Judiciary Committee Chairman Jerry Nadler (D-NY), meanwhile, asked only for some clean pants. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) requested spines for himself and for 30 of his Republican colleagues.
Liberty Nation also obtained a selection of Christmas wishes from various other political ne’er-do-wells. Democrat Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) made a plea for a committee chair in the new Congress – any chair at all, even on the House Select Committee on Thinking Up New Ways to Spend Money, which, says she, should be an actual committee, if it isn’t already. She also requested of Santa that he reject his informal name, Father Christmas, in favor of something less hateful, such as Winter Solstice Non-Binary Wealth Redistribution Official.
Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-CA) wanted some Chinese. Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA) requested Russian disinformation, of which he is so fond that he constantly accuses other people of using too much. Sen. Mitt Romney (R-UT) informed Santa that he would like to ask for whatever most other people asked for.
Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer demanded – because she doesn’t ask for things – a golden crown and also Thor’s hammer, which she thinks might be useful in more effectively imposing her rules upon the unwashed masses.
Andrew Cuomo, the inept governor of the now-failed state of New York, seems optimistic about his own fortunes. “Santa’s going to be very good to me this year, I can tell. I worked hard this year,” he recently stated. While it is true that he worked hard to make extra space in his state’s nursing homes, Cuomo could be in for a rude awakening, this morning. Perhaps Mr. Claus will bring him some self-awareness if he’s lucky.
Stacey Abrams only put one thing on her list: a second term as governor of Georgia. However, Abrams did not mail her request when she found out that Santa Claus is white. Hillary Clinton wanted real estate, apparently. Her list, written in blood – though not her own – said, in all caps: “1600 Pennsylvania Avenue!”
But what did President Donald Trump want the most for Christmas? In a 14-page submission to the jolly fatman, Trump argued that 60% of all presents sent to Democrats should be rerouted to him. Additionally, he asked for just one judge who had the courage to look at some evidence.
As for me, your humble political correspondent, I asked for just one thing this year: that a very large number of Americans would politely but very firmly inform their elected representatives at all levels of government that they – the people – were no longer prepared to accept or comply with any rules, regulations, or laws that do not fall within the parameters of the Constitution of the United States. Without such a popular statement, future Christmases will be even less joyful than this one. No matter which party they choose to support, Americans deserve better – well most of them do, anyway.
The only sure way to put the “merry” back into Merry Christmas is to reclaim your freedom – and letters to Santa aren’t going to achieve that.
Read more from Graham J. Noble.