What would Thanksgiving be without the feast? Whether we gather with friends or family, in intimate groups or in crowded homes, the uniting element always comes as we settle down for the meal. Some families will be reviving recipes handed down from generation to generation, others will be creating new traditions on this very day. With this in mind, your faithful team at Liberty Nation would not only like to extend our warmest wishes to you and yours, but also some of our favorite Thanksgiving Day recipes.
Spartacus Sausage Bake
By Strategic Marketing Analyst Nathalie deWolf
Of course, this recipe is entirely fabricated … like much of Cory Booker’s posturing.
- 1lb of Corey Booker’s Pure Baloney
- ½lb of Italian sausage
- 3 onions, finely chopped
- ½ cup of beef broth
- 2 cups of brown rice
- 1 tbsp of oregano
- Salt and pepper to taste
Mix together 1lb of Cory Booker’s Pure Baloney with ½ a pound of Italian sausage. Add the onions to ensure that those tears can flow as you mix the ingredients together. This is – after all – your “Spartacus moment.”
Sauté all three ingredients until the onions are golden brown. Pour in some beefy broth to enhance the Spartacus moment and simmer until the liquid is cooked off, exposing all the baloney to be dished up. Add oregano, salt, and pepper to taste.
In a separate saucepan, boil some brown rice (do not use white rice as studies show that all forms of white rice, like white men, are potentially dangerous and should be avoided at all costs). Once the rice is cooked, add to the sausage mixture so that all the baloney can be soaked up. This is a vital step as some people may otherwise find this dish hard to swallow.
Pour the mixture into a baking dish and cook at 350°F until 2020.
Snowflake Survival Plan
By Legal Affairs Editor Scott D. Cosenza
For breaking bread with sufferers of Trump Derangement Syndrome.
This is not about making sure you have a bag of rock salt handy, although a different kind of rocks will help. Last week I was speaking with an immediate family member who shall remain nameless about the CNN/Acosta v. Trump court case. Hearing that the person thought it was great that CNN/Acosta was suing Trump for the return of the press pass, I asked if they had seen the exchange that caused all the trouble? “No.” Such is the type of dinner we need to fortify against at this year’s Thanksgiving. What to do? Apply alcohol moderately but continuously!
Alcohol gives you infinite patience for stupidity. – Sammy Davis, Jr.
You want to be in a place where you’re never entirely drunk or sober and can appreciate the many fine qualities your kin display when politics is removed. They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and this breakfast cocktail is the most important one you will have all day.
- 1 ounce bourbon (Maker’s)
- 1 ounce dark rum (Appleton Estate)
- 1 ounce simple syrup
- A drop or three of vanilla extract
- Freshly grated nutmeg
Shake it up with ice and serve over rocks. Grate nutmeg on top, and prepare to listen to how great Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is going to be!!!
America’s Finest Invention – Bourbon
Past lunch and before dinner, you can put the rest of the ingredients away, save the bourbon, and optionally, the ice. Pour the bourbon on the ice and wait for a few minutes. Enjoy, and then you can take a nap while the younger set debates which is better, MSNBC or the Young Turks.
Red Champagne Makes Thanksgiving Great Again
Rouge is the common name for a red wine Champagne. Whether you think Trump should be impeached or Hillary should be incarcerated, you’ll like this great choice for turkey and a festive occasion. Korbel is a standout value producer. If you want to splurge, try the Franklin Family Vineyards.
The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to. – P. J. O’Rourke
Grandma Pelosi’s Corn Pudding
By Editor-in-Chief Leesa K. Donner
A popular dish for the plebeian masses or the migrants coming to a neighborhood near you.
- 5 organic free-range humanely treated eggs (these must not be removed from their mother too soon!)
- 1/3 C. butter – melted
- 1/4 C. white sugar (if you want your pudding to be “woke” you could use light or dark brown sugar)
- 1/2 C. milk (must be pasteurized with plenty of government-mandated chemicals added)
- 1 can whole kernel corn
- 2 cans cream-style corn
Preheat oven to 400°F. Grease a 2-quart casserole dish. In a large bowl, lightly beat eggs. Add melted butter, sugar, and milk, then whisk in cornstarch. Stir in corn and creamed corn. Blend well. Pour mixture into prepared casserole dish and bake for 1 hour.
Check back later for some more politically-inspired recipes.