Chelsea Handler is a champion of gun rights. A true statesman, uh stateswoman, that appears to know a huge amount about firearms and how they operate (except as far as what automatic and semi-automatic weapons are).

Just a few days ago on Twitter, Handler replied in a thread, “My armed guards aren’t killing children and don’t have semi-automatic weapons.”

Handler has always shown herself to be accepting of Lindsay Graham rumors, kind to Sarah Sanders’ looks, and never known to politicize shooting incidents… until a few days later. It is great to see we finally have someone in Hollywood who never makes a fool out of themselves.

High Profile?

Chelsea Handler is a high-profile person in Hollywood. She has worked hard and taken her talents to Netflix for her premier show “Chelsea,” which took America by storm until it was canceled due to nobody actually watching it. Everyone told her there was no way that she would make it, but Handler made a strong case with her talk show. The show title was “innovative” and “amazing”; her words, not mine.

Well, Handler proved the doubters wrong. She seized Netflix by the horns and wrestled the network into submission. The Big Boys in Hollywood, not Harvey Weinstein, but he’s a likely suspect, were shocked. No one said Handler could break through the wall of thousands of American talk shows, but alas Handler did. And for two “great” seasons, she rocked.

Protection Needed

Chelsea knew the paparazzi would take shots at her, so she needed to beef up her bodyguard’s capabilities. They obtained guns. But rest assured those guns were not semi-automatic, just like her tweet said.

Her guards were given flintlock pistols, circa 1691. Undoubtedly, her bodyguards were baffled at this choice of weapon, but they knew Handler was entirely competent. Handler understands what the most effective firearm is. She also explained how accurate and reliable flintlock pistols are. She knows that flintlock pistols aren’t used in assaults… there are no such things as assault flintlock pistols.

She taught her crew that certain firearms could be scary to those who do not understand that aesthetics don’t change the function of these weapons. She chose the flintlock because it is not frightening. She said wood grain is a nice earthy look that eases the person who has the firearm pointed at them. Handler mentioned the person on the other end of the barrel feels at ease about what might happen to them. Feelings are very important to people like Chelsea.

An anonymous source, like the ones from every single New York Times article, said that Handler’s bodyguards also have emergency muskets holstered, just in case things get chaotic.  

Let’s Not Shoot the Kids

Fortunately, Handler required her bodyguards to attend training so they would not shoot children. As mentioned earlier, she said her bodyguards don’t shoot kids. Apparently, there needs to be courses to teach adults this principle.

Luckily for Handler, she has Twitter and makes the most of it. She ingeniously uses the platform to create a positive influence on people. Seriously, where else will you see her in a drunken rage lashing out at others who have a different opinion on a specific topic? Who would be without it?

It is so refreshing to see that Handler is educated on critical American topics and she never makes an embarrassing blunder when explaining them on Twitter. If Twitter did not exist, Handler might make a massive fool out of herself.


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John Washington

John Washington

Contributor at

John Washington is a political and current event junkie with strong conservative leanings. He has also been published in
John Washington



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