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Need a Socialist? Check Mom’s Basement

A new study lends credence to the belief that young socialists lurk in basements.

A beast lurks in the dark corners of many basements, and scientists have found that this breed of monster largely is confined to parents’ cellars. From rare sightings by eyewitnesses around the world, this creature is described as a pale young man, sporting a neckbeard, wearing a Che Guevara T-shirt, and committing heinous acts behind a Guy Fawkes mask. After hours of painstaking research, scientists have learned that these critters feed on Red Bull energy drinks, arguments on social media, and YouTube videos by The Young Turks. When these elements are absent from their diet, they consider becoming model citizens and adopting adulthood. But once they catch a glimpse of Cenk Uygur opining on detested capitalist instruments, they morph back into perturbed animals tweeting in their lairs about how abortion is a right and Karl Marx is God.

Operation Parents’ Basement

If you try to conjure up an image in your mind of the average professional activist, the description above is typically sufficient. But now a study supports tee view that today’s youth are trying to change the world from their war rooms situated in the family basement.

Bild, a German newspaper, published data gathered by the Federal Office for the Protection of the Constitution that profiled left-wing protesters. Suffice it to say, the numbers were not surprising.

The figures revealed that most of the 873 leftist protesters who had been arrested on suspicion of politically charged offenses in Berlin between 2003 and 2013 were young men who lived with their parents.

The report found that 84% were men, 72% were between 18 and 29 years of age, one-third were unemployed, and a majority of the offenses were committed against property, cops, and police cars. Also, nearly one-fifth of the crimes targeted right-wing extremists.

Do you think this is shocking? Probably not.

This is common in the United States. Many studies over the years have found that a considerable number of millennials are still living at home and are unemployed. Researchers keep blaming the economy for young people unable to find a job in their field of study, but with the roaring labor market and the unemployment rate at a 49-year low, it could be possible that they are too comfortable lounging in a basement and spending their days on Reddit.

Disdain for Adulthood

This popular quip — “If a person is not a liberal when he is 20, he has no heart; if he is not a conservative when he is 40, he has no head” — has been attributed variously to Winston Churchill, Georges Clemenceau, and John Adams, but it still rings true to this date.

For much of history, young people have been generally sympathetic to leftist positions. As they get older, they tend to lean right on issues from fiscal policy to economics. One way to explain this trend is that when you get older, you take on a job, a family, a house, and other adult responsibilities. However, if you are cooped up in a room without shadows, protected from reality, it is easy to dismiss tradition and become enchanted by utopias where everyone is equal and prosperous, which is what socialism promises but never delivers.

So, when ignorant of “real” life, it is easy to be seduced by the empty promises and vacuous polemics of Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT), Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY), and Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA). Who wouldn’t love free money, free college, free health care, and a job for life? Unfortunately, the only things most basement dwellers know are what socialists tell them, including money grows on trees because banks have branches and the American system is founded on white supremacy.

The data show that most of these kids are leading sheltered lives and living inside ideological bubbles, identifying the other so they know whom to hate. With technology enabling this way of living, the future could be a grim one, where everybody is antisocial, scared to have personal beliefs challenged, and ready to wield digital pitchforks to ruin the lives of those who fail to conform to groupthink.

How did this happen? There are many culprits: the parents who showered them with perpetual praise, the teachers who awarded participation trophies, and multifaceted media that vilify hard work and success and champion parasites who want something for nothing.

Sterilize This Embarrassment

What’s the solution to this stagnation? Disinfectant, consisting of sunlight, charity, faith, employment, love, or meaning. Enticing these youngsters to absquatulate from their dark caves may involve leaving a trail of Cheetos or opulent Starbucks beverages at their front door and then pouncing with a net, a tall glass of ice water, and a copy of Milton Friedman’s Free to Choose.

~

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