In a Christmas season marked by Democrats doing everything in their power to deliver the equivalent of a big fat lump of coal to President Trump’s stocking, who knew they would, however unwittingly, wind up providing a sleigh full of goodies to the reviled commander in chief?
The president, or perhaps the lovely Melania, will undoubtedly write a gracious thank you note to the Democratic Party for what his enemies hoped would be a lovely parting gift of impeachment. But like that Jelly of the Month Club membership in the classic movie Christmas Vacation, it has become the gift that will keep on giving — to Trump — the whole year ‘round.
You have probably noticed that the Democrats began wrapping their gift of impeachment the morning after the 2016 election, intent on providing a big, beautiful gift box complete with ribbons, bows and all the trimmings. The problem came in determining what to put inside. Like deciding you want to give someone clothes, but then having to decide which ones. Any thoughtful gift idea takes time to evolve and mature, after all.
They were thinking, what do we give to the fascist who has everything? Maybe Donald would like a gift unlike any received by any former president. Hey, before he even sets foot in the White House, we could openly dispute the election results even after recounts, and try threatening electors. Or the Logan Act. How about the emoluments clause? Then there’s always the 25th amendment — or maybe we’ll wait ‘til later to say he’s out of his mind.
Yes, we could wait to pick his gift until he actually takes office. We’ll wait for sale items on the discount rack. Maybe the travel ban, or firing Comey, or Michael Avenatti, or Michael Cohen. Then there’s his financial records going back to the last century.
Then again, if we really want to break the bank, we could do full-on Trump-Russia collusion. And if that doesn’t work, we can always fill the box with some ghastly accusation like bribery, or extortion, or quid pro quo, and throw in some foreign leader to make it seem really impeachable.
We will huff and puff and try to blow his house down. We’ll be the Grinch trying to steal Christmas. The Bad Santa.
But oh, no — look at the dismal, one-star user reviews on all those gift ideas. My God, we chased this guy down like dogs for years, and now, all we get is this lousy trial in the Republican Senate.
And since we’ve been looking for so long, there is only one last-minute item left for sale. And damn, it’s the only present which fits the president perfectly. Ideally sized to contain the tempest we’ve created.
Read more from Tim Donner.