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A Satire for the Fighting Irish

by | May 23, 2017 | Politics

United States Vice President, Mike Pence, delivered a commencement speech Sunday at the former University of Notre Dame. Before he even had time to take out his notes, almost half of the alleged students attending the graduation ceremony stood up and walked out. Pence’s speech was going to highlight the importance of freedom of speech, which many students in today’s America find offensive, hurtful, traumatic, discriminatory, toxic, racist, sexist, xenophobic, Russian and downright unsettling.

Notre Dame, however, continues to whitewash its own history of flagrant social injustice. It’s Fighting Irish nickname is not only racist, but stereotypes an entire nation as dangerous; its very name, Notre Dame – which translates from the French as ‘Our Lady’ – suggests misogyny, the idea of women as possessions and, perhaps, even condones sex-trafficking. The institution was founded by a young, Catholic priest; enough said. On its website, the university describes Reverend Eric Sorin as “a man of lively imagination.” Creepy.

As if all this wasn’t damning enough, many Notre Dame students are known to be white.

Although the alma mater of numerous admirable high-achievers, including former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, Football Hall-of-Famer Joe Theismann and that guy who played Norm on Cheers, Notre Dame has not had the best reputation, recently, for its choices in commencement speakers. In 1990, the commencement address was delivered by alleged rapist Bill Cosby; in 2009, by alleged President Barack Obama and, in 2010, by alleged journalist Brian Williams.

The pre-planned walkout, by snowflakes posing as people who want to be educated, was arranged by a group calling itself ‘We Stand For’, according to a CNN report. What they stand for is not entirely clear, although one can safely assume that it is not complete sentences, decisiveness or focus. Neither is it tolerance, open-mindedness or respect.

Before the vice president delivered his remarks, University President Rev. John I. Jenkins addressed the students, saying “we must [also] listen to those who disagree, care for the bonds that join us together and find ways to build a society where all can flourish — even the people who don’t look like us, think like us, or vote with us.”

These words, however, are wasted on the progressive social fascism warrior; between his, hers or its ears – in that space where normal human beings have brains – Jenkins’ statement translated as “we blah blah blah us blah blah society blah can blah blah us blah blah us blah blah vote.”

CNN also reports that Jenkins had previously issued a statement referring to Pence’s invitation to speak. “It is fitting that in the 175th year of our founding on Indiana soil,” the statement read, “that Notre Dame recognize a native son who served our state and now the nation with quiet earnestness, moral conviction and a dedication to the common good characteristic of true statesmen.”

It is rumored that, shortly after the graduation ceremony, Jenkins changed his name, underwent plastic surgery and was spotted boarding a Greyhound bus bound for Toad Suck, Arkansas.

America is truly blessed that future generations of leaders will be selected from among the ranks of Notre Dame’s finest; people who understand that freedom of speech doesn’t mean respecting and tolerating other people’s opinions, but respecting and tolerating those opinions that make one feel warm and fuzzy – and leaving the room for everyone who says anything else.

Read More From Graham J Noble

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