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Satire:Tricky Tom and President Hillary

by | Oct 28, 2017 | Columns

For quite some time, the left has been pushing the idea that healthcare is a right and should be provided free of charge. Part of that, they insist, is the provision of birth control pills. Those of us who have to listen to the inane gibberish of social justice warriors and other progressives – day in and day out – believe that we have the right to be provided with a different kind of pill: Aspirin. Perhaps something stronger, in fact.

No sooner had we recovered from the hat-full of stupid that is Frederica Wilson (D-ranged), along comes Tom Perez. Tom is the latest poor git* to be saddled with the thankless task of heading the Democratic National Committee. He knows that, like his predecessor and her deputy, his only real job is to count the days until he is forced to resign in disgrace but, while he’s there, he’s going to continue the proud tradition of insanity for which his party is known.

Tomstitution of the United States

For sure, Perez should change his last name to Foolery. Speaking recently at the University of Indiana – during an event honoring Indiana Democrat and alleged sexual predator Birch Bayh – Perez subjected the dopes listening to him to a lament about the Electoral College. It is, of course, a time-honored left-wing tradition to trash the nation’s system of government every time a Republican wins a presidential election. Perez decided to go one step further and actually proclaim that the Electoral College was simply something dreamed up one bath-time by Samual Adams, right after he invented beer.

“The Electoral College is not a creation of the Constitution,” said Perez. “It doesn’t have to be there.” Well now, Tom, that’s where you would be wrong (something one could say after every statement uttered by Perez). Granted, one must read the Constitution at least as far as Article II to find out about this Electoral College thingy. Perhaps Perez never got that far.

Who Is The President?

And we’re back to Tom Perez. Earlier this year, the senior token POC in the Democratic Party told the New Jersey Working Families Alliance that the election hadn’t in fact, turned out the way everyone had assumed. “Donald Trump, you don’t stand for our values. You didn’t win this election,” he said. OK, then. Apparently, he’s not the only member of the loyal [sic] opposition to believe this. Hillary Clinton (D-Crutches) celebrated her 127th birthday Thursday and, in honor of this occasion, Georgia Representative John Lewis tweeted “Happy Birthday, Madame President @HillaryClinton”

Well, John, since you want to honor “Madame President,” why don’t you go ahead and give a rousing speech, in which you list all of her great achievements as the nation’s leader? Actually, don’t bother; I’ll do it for you:

Hid for several days, probably drinking and crying – both uncontrollably; went for a walk in the woods; published a book that listed all the people and events that were to blame for her not becoming president. Wait…what? Maybe you should read the book, John.

What else? Oh yes; fell over and hobbled around on crutches for a few days. Also, tweeted some nonsense, much like yourself, John. What a marvelous record and she’s only nine months into her first term. Impressive.

We Know Nothing!

Now that it has come to light that the DNC and Clinton campaign paid a law firm to pay a research firm to pay a former spy to gather dubious information on Donald Trump, the squirming is a wonder to behold. On the one hand, the left is arguing that there is nothing wrong with any of this. It was simply an exercise in gathering opposition research, which is a normal and accepted part of political campaigning. This, of course, is true. If it was all so innocent and above-board, however, why is everyone over at the DNC denying it? Why did the Democrats and the Clinton campaign deny it from the start? Wasserman Schultz (D-Throned) knew nothing; Tricky Tom Perez knew nothing. The DNC paid out more than $3.5 million and nobody knew “nothing”. No wonder the party is broke.

Picture this: You walk into your freshly-painted kitchen to find that your five-year-old son – let’s call him Tom – has scrawled all over the wall with an indelible marker. “Did you do this, Tom?” you ask. How does Tom respond? Probably, he says “I didn’t do it.” Why does he say that? Because he knows it was wrong. Now, if Tom had said “Yes, I did it, but it’s normal practice for us little kids. This is what we do.” You would probably – albeit reluctantly – have at least a smidgen of respect for the little bastard. But, what if he then added “I didn’t do it. I know nothing about it. I was unaware of this arrangement.” Well, then you’d be pissed because, after all, why is he denying it if there’s nothing wrong with what he did?

Do you see where I’m going with this, lefties? Now, HHS, give me my free aspirin, dammit!

* Git is a term of insult with origins in British English denoting an unpleasant, silly, incompetent, stupid, annoying, senile, or childish person.

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