Welcome to Liberty Nation’s Halloween special. As the spooks and ghouls of the Washington Swamp come to take another bite out of America, our writers have prepared a treat (or a trick) for your enjoyment. Join us as we meet the hideous creatures that lurk in the dark.
Blood Sucking Senators by Leesa K. Donner
It’s difficult to choose just one Blood Sucking Senator for our Liberty Nation Halloween in the Swamp awards. So many blood-suckers, so little time. My nomination may surprise you. Perhaps you are considering Mad Max or Chuckie the Clown? But have you thought about Spartacus? Yes, the one and only Cory Booker.
He is a master at virtue-signaling and an emotional vampire of the highest order. Consider this recent headline from CBS News: “Sen. Cory Booker says America is facing a “moral moment.” Then there is his statement following the Pittsburgh Synagogue tragedy that “words matter.”
Well, then we suppose that words mattered when you exchanged Twitter messages with a stripper? Or were you having a “moral moment” when you sucked up $10K in donations from the Bob Menendez Super PAC? And does this “moral moment” extend to when The Newark Watershed Conservation and Development Corporation was busted wide for taking kickbacks under your stellar leadership as Mayor of Newark.
It’s too frightening to unpack all of Mr. Booker’s vampire-esque activities so we shall just leave it with the following: Run, Mr. Booker, please run in 2020. We beg you.
March of the Undead by Sarah Cowgill
They march on, bodies bent and bedraggled with the outward signs of the occasional weapon, still attached. Slings, arrows, and body parts pelleted by self-inflicted wounds jut from festering flesh through what was once a chic designer wardrobe.
These are the undead women of politics, driven by the need to stay relevant, unable to succumb to the death rattle of unpopularity. Their gaits are filled with half-vital motion – as these phantasms earnestly seek their Frankenstein for the gifts of eternal life.
Hillary, Heitkamp, Wasserman-Schultz, and Fauxcahontas trudge on towards the Swamp. The sting of being irrelevant driving their journey. They are a pitiful, shriek-worthy sight on this night of Hallowe’en.
But fear not, American Hispanics have the solution: Día de los Muertos where they will be honored accordingly once they take that last, desperate breath. But until then, they march on.
The Specter of Socialism by Andrew Moran
The specter of socialism landed on the shores of the Land of the Free on All Hallows Eve, days before the midterm elections. Rising from the Highgate Cemetery in London, the Dance Macabre-performing phantom enchanted, not frightened, millions of youths across the nation, aiming to inflict dependency on a new generation of gullible members of the Something for Nothing Society with cradle to grave tricks.
Upon his arrival, the goblin made its way through regions engulfed in blue. Bloodcurdling screams were absent, cackling echoes were heard far and wide. Leftist voters extended their hands, exchanging their souls for free stuff, sending the bill to their future offspring. Eerily smiling from ear to ear, the undead claimed more victims, finally partnering American souls with those from the Soviet Union, Venezuela, China, and other domains that carved out their tombstones in passages from Das Kapital.
The specter of socialism ventured forth to terrains covered in red, attempting to grow its shadow across the entire nation. Uninspired by the Mephistophelean promises of prosperity without work, contentment without sacrifice, these brave voters grabbed their copies of Free to Choose and practiced their Second Amendment rights and vanquished the odious spirit, breaking the spell and freeing their blue adversaries from the chains of socialism in a moment of solidarity.
The ghost returned to his tomb and was sent to the deep recesses of hell beside his neighbor, Karl Marx, and forced to read Paul Krugman’s The Conscience of a Liberal for eternity.
A Night in the Swamp by Jeff Charles
If you find yourself home alone on a dark stormy night, you better take care, or you will be in for a fright. Neither vampires nor werewolves will make you soil your britches. When you turn on your TV, you must beware of the fake news media witches!
Their occupation is lies and innuendo is their code. Propaganda is their fare like the yellow journalists of old.
To influence, not inform is their mode of operation. Painting conservatives as bigots is their ultimate fascination.
Deposing President Trump is their round the clock mission. Trump derangement syndrome is their apparent mental health condition.
You have heard it said once, but we’ll say it again. You will know it’s fake news when you hear “This is CNN.”