As usual, leftists on college campuses have been busy this past week.

Through a bit of ingenuity, the left has found new ways to stifle conservative ideas, give Black Lives Matter a wider audience, and convince our students that white people are hopelessly hateful bigots who must be marginalized.

Let us begin!

Students Offered Extra Credit For White Privilege Quiz

At a sociology class at San Diego State University, students are now able to earn extra credit if they take a quiz that will help them determine their level of privilege.This assignment represents a new and innovative way to make white people hate themselves.

According to The College Fix, Professor Dae Elliot offered a “White Privilege Checklist” with twenty questions that show that “racial privilege is one form of privilege.”

The higher one scores on the test, the greater their level of privilege. Some of the questions include:

• “I am not made acutely aware that my shape, bearing, or body odor will be taken as a reflection on my race.”
• “I can arrange to be in the company of people of my race most of the time.”
• “I can choose blemish cover or bandages in “flesh” color and have them more or less match my skin.” (Yes, that’s a real question)

Layla Laffer, a black student at the university, discussed one of the main issues that black students face on an everyday basis:

“The white supremacist patriarchy structure routinely oppresses people of color by refusing to make Band-Aids that match our skin color. If white people can easily hide their papercuts, so should we. Every time I have to use a bandage that doesn’t blend into my skin, I can just feel the full weight of white supremacy bearing down on me. It’s like wearing a microaggression on my finger.”

To earn their extra credit, students must fill out a short questionnaire. It has questions like,

• “Were you surprised by your score, or did it confirm what you already knew?”
• “Do you think this exercise is different for white students than for students of color?”
• “If you’re white, did this test finally make you realize that you’re just a bigoted, privileged, sexist, homophobic, piece of #%#@ who doesn’t deserve to live?”

It is unknown how many students have opted to take the quiz for extra credit.

Forcing students To Attend Black Lives Matter Lecture

Members of Campbell University’s Greek life community will be compelled to participate in a lecture given by author Lawrence Ross, Black Lives Matter advocate. The presentation will focus on issues of “particular concern to Greek communities, including…racism.”

The leadership of the Greek life community sent an email stating that students and organizations affiliated with Greek life are required to attend. The email said, “This is mandatory—only excuses being family emergencies and class.”

It has been reported that students who refuse to attend the speech would be systematically hunted down, hogtied, and forced to watch a video of the lecture with their eyelids taped open, so they don’t “miss a single word of it.”

After being questioned by students on these harsh measures, the leadership sent another email. “It has come to our attention that some Greek-life participants have recently decided to put their bigotry on full display,” they wrote. “Refusing to attend Mr. Ross’ speech makes you just as bad as people who helped the SS hunt down Jews in Nazi Germany, and you will be treated as such. Embracing tolerance means accepting every idea we shove down your pathetic throats.”

The leadership was not available for comment.

Princeton’s Newspaper Dissolves Editorial Board

In an effort to promote tolerance of differing ideas, leaders of Princeton’s student newspaper have decided to dissolve the publication’s independent editorial board – after it began publishing conservative opinions. Recently, the newspaper wrote a series of articles that argued against radical feminism and in favor of free speech.

Most university newspapers have editorial boards that are made up of top editors. The Princetonian’s board consisted of students who represented a more diverse group of individuals – including people whose political views are liberal, conservative, and centrist. I’m sure you can already see where this is going.

Earlier in the month, a crowd of top editors descended onto the building where members of the editorial board worked and tossed them out, one by one. Before slamming the door, a bystander reportedly heard one of the top editors yell: “And don’t come back you fascist pigs!”

An anonymous source within the Princetonian’s leadership commented on the recent decision:

“Yeah, in hindsight, the idea of an editorial board with different political beliefs was a stupid idea. But when they started spouting off about radical feminism and free speech, we realized we needed to act fast.”

The source indicated that if the top editors had failed to put a stop to the board’s antics, students at the university would be exposed to non-leftist ideas. “We really dodged a bullet here. Can you imagine what would happen if people started hearing arguments against intersectionality and stuff like that? It’d be horrible!”

It looks like it was a close call for the lefties at Princeton.

Summing It All Up

There you have it: another week where the left continues their efforts to ensure that only liberal ideas are propagated at our higher learning institutions. While the incident at Princeton almost resulted in a potential disaster for leftist students, the staff was able to prevent conservative arguments from spreading.

Remarkably, we have also seen two different approaches to getting students to buy into leftist ideas: the carrot and the stick. At San Diego University, students were given extra credit to participate in a quiz showing that white people are hateful bigots. In contrast, Campbell University simply forced their students to sit through a lecture by a Black Lives Matter activist. It seems both methods might be effective.

What does the left have in store for our college students next? Tune in next week to find out!