The social justice warriors were busy this week.

On college campuses across the country, leftist students and faculty have made significant strides in spreading their social justice ideas. This week, they worked to help students who might be exposed to opposing views, revealed Trump’s vile scheme, shown that racism is “literally everywhere,” and fought against evil Jewish fascists.

Let’s begin, shall we?

Berkeley To Provide “Counseling Services” For Students Who Are Triggered By Ben Shapiro

UC Berkeley will be hosting conservative speaker, author, and podcaster Ben Shapiro. Berkeley’s leadership did all that they could to torpedo the event because they were afraid of a massive outburst of violence from leftist agitators – and because he’s not a leftist.

The university recently made an announcement addressing how they will help students who might become mentally damaged by Shapiro’s hurtful words. In their statement, they say they will provide “support and counseling services for students, staff, and faculty,” who have to endure the trauma of having a 33-year old Jewish conservative speak on campus.

Several students and faculty members lauded the university’s decision. Bruce Bagley, a philosophy major, said:

It’s so great that the school is considering our mental well-being in the face of this impending attack on our preconceived notions. They recognize that hearing different ideas can result in greater understanding, better-informed students, and healthy debate. Just the thought of this makes me feel like I’m going to have a breakdown.

He then said he had to go to the nearest safe space to recover.

Student Newspaper Thinks Trump Exploited Hurricane Harvey For Profit

In other news, the University of Florida’s student newspaper published a piece claiming that President Donald Trump used Hurricane Harvey to “make money for himself.” They also wrote, “Our president has yet to meet with any victim of the storm. Not a single one. No handshakes, no comforting words, no hugs.”

So how did the president make money from Hurricane Harvey? According to the editorial, Trump’s decision to wear a baseball cap that says “USA” was a way to advertise the sale of these hats. Apparently, the profits from these sales go to his re-election campaign.  A source within the newspaper stated, “Well what else can we criticize him for? He pretty much did what he was supposed to do in Houston. We had to come up with SOMETHING.”

It appears that several students agree with the newspaper’s assessment. Christina Crabbletop, feminist studies major, thinks the piece was “spot on.” She stated:

Oh, it was clearly an attempt to make money. All Trump cares about is money and being a fascist. I bet he made millions of dollars from wearing that hat. The newspaper is right – he should have focused on giving hugs.

After being shown videos of President Trump hugging babies and chatting with victims of the hurricane while giving out boxes of food, Crabbletop shouted, “That video is fake! It’s fake news!” She then fled to the nearest safe space repeatedly yelling “fake news.”

Faculty Panel Insists That White Supremacy Is Not A Fringe Group

On Wednesday, Brown University hosted a panel to discuss white supremacy in relation to the incident at Charlottesville, VA. During the event, Tricia Rose, director of the Center for the Study of Race and Ethnicity in America argued, “White supremacy is not marginal, or leftover fringe ideology in the United States, nor is it limited to the extremist display such as what we saw in Charlottesville.” She added, “in fact, most white supremacy is very civil.”

Before you dismiss this as yet another situation where the left erroneously argues that white supremacy is present in every facet of American society, consider the experience of Sandy Longbottom, a black Sociology major: “Tricia is totally right about white supremacy. It’s everywhere. My white friends may not say they think they’re better than me, but I can see it in their eyes!” Regarding Rose’s comments on civil white supremacy, Longbottom said,

It’s true! Just the other day I ran into a member of the Ku Klux Klan – he was wearing his white robes and everything! He apologized for bumping into me, shook my hand, smiled, and politely said ‘I hate you because you’re black. Have a beautiful day.’ I’ve never been oppressed in such a civil manner.

 When I questioned the validity of her story, Longbottom called me a “filthy bigot,” and ran to the nearest safe space.

Students For Justice In Palestine Equates Zionism With Fascism

Lastly, a group calling themselves “Students for Justice in Palestine” (SJP) at University of Illinois was criticized for equating Zionism with fascism. It appears that some students did not appreciate the fact that the group advertised an event called “Smashing Fascism: Radical Resistance Against White Supremacy.”

The advertisement stated, “there is no room for fascists, white supremacists, or Zionists.” Apparently, anti-Semites are still allowed. It goes on to say that while “nonviolence and peaceful civil disobedience have their places and have achieved great change throughout history…Violent resistance, whether it is a black bloc or full-scale armed conflict, also has its place.”

A member of group – who wished to remain anonymous because he was afraid his mom would find out what he’s been up to – explained why it is appropriate to compare Zionists to fascists: “I mean, Israel is utterly fascist. They’re carrying out a massive genocide against the Palestinians so that they can take over the Middle East!”

We asked him how Israel is engaging in genocide when the Palestinian population has steadily grown over the past few decades. He responded, “Well I never said they were any good at it, did I?” He then pointed behind me and yelled: “look over there!” When I turned around, he sprinted towards the nearest safe space.

There you have it. The social justice movement is alive and active on college campuses across the country. They have promoted mental health for students who can’t handle opposing views, exposed Trump’s cynical attempt to make money from a natural disaster, shown us that white supremacy is everywhere, and fought the good fight against Jewish fascists. What will they accomplish next week?

Are you proud of the hard work being done by the social justice movement? Let us know what you think in the comments below!