Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
Brace yourself for some bad news, dear reader. We are all going to die, and it’s all because of one Republican from Kentucky.
Thanks to Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) – and the rest of the Senate – humanity is now doomed to extinction within 12 years, condemned to being melted into puddles of fleshy goop by the sun. Why? Because of climate change and stuff. In a recent vote, the Senate overwhelmingly rejected the Green New Deal, which was a proposal championed by Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) and the Anti-Semitism Twins, also known as Reps. Rashida Tlaib (D-MI) and Ilhan Omar (D-MN).
If the resolution were made into law, it would undoubtedly save the planet from utter destruction at the hands of fossil fuel-burning humans who are probably closet Nazis, but unfortunately, the nation’s lawmakers don’t care if we all perish screaming in a gigantic ball of flame.
Senate Dooms Us All
The Green New Deal was struck down by at 0-57 vote with 43 Democratic senators voting “present” because voting “no” would result in a sound drubbing on Twitter at the fingers of Ocasio-Cortez. Several prominent progressives slammed Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell for holding the vote before having any hearings. But according to McConnell’s office, he could not hold any hearings on the Green New Deal because members of the Senate couldn’t stop laughing long enough to actually debate.
The proposal, which would attempt to make air travel obsolete, retrofit every building in America, and bring about the widespread savage slaughter of innocent farting cows, was supported by several Democratic presidential contenders, including Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-MA), who is known for formulating her political views by holding her finger in the air to see which way the wind blows. Shortly before the vote was held, she said: “We don’t know if we can get to net-zero carbon emissions in 10 years, but why not try?”
When questioned about Gillibrand’s suggestion, McConnell gave an uncharacteristically sage response: “Senator Gillibrand should remember that according to the teachings of Master Yoda, we must ‘do or do not, there is no try.’ In this case, we’re going to ‘do not.’”
After the Green New Deal died from choking on sheer absurdity, Rep. Ocasio-Cortez was overheard rehearsing her script for media appearances after the vote. We do not know exactly what she was saying due to being distracted by paint drying on the wall, but the terms “racist,” “sexist” and “Islamophobic” were definitely present because of course they were. Ilhan Omar is also expected to hold a press conference during which she will explain how those who voted against the proposal were commanded to do so by Israeli agents who want everyone to be immolated alive by climate change.
What’s Next?
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
Despite their failure to get their Green New Deal passed, the ultra-progressive wing of the Democratic Party is unlikely to give up on their quest to use the climate change issue to usher in a revolutionary wave of socialist programs. Even The New York Times erroneously claimed that the American public favors the Green New Deal. The author of the piece, who is a founder of a think tank named Data for Progress, assures us that we can believe him because, “though Data for Progress is a liberal organization that is supportive of the Green New Deal, we don’t let that cloud our polling.”
No, really, that’s what he said. There’s no satire in that sentence! Doesn’t that make you feel the warm glow of blind trust?
Unfortunately for them, there are other studies showing the exact opposite: Americans think the Green New Deal is a complete dumpster fire sitting in a pile of horse manure. Perhaps the American public isn’t quite ready for the socialist agenda that AOC and the gang are attempting to promote even if it means that fossil fuel fumes will asphyxiate all of us in our sleep. Or maybe nobody is actually buying into the alarmism. My money’s on the latter.
Readers: Feel free to comment below. And remember to check out the web’s best conservative news aggregator Whatfinger.com
5 Comments
Orion
I recently held a national, completely non partisan poll, not asking political affiliation, as to the bat shit craziness of aoc and democrats in general. (34 personal acquaintances located in 28 different states in the United States). Unanimously the nationwide poll determined that it is true, aoc, and democrats in general are all bat shit crazy! The actual vote was 31-0 as three persons, (likely democrats) voted present, so as not to rustle feathers from any ‘democrats’ that might have learned of their involvement in the poll. This poll has the same identical accuracy +/- 3 … and is thought as accurate as the pre Presidential Election poll, which showed hillary winning by a landslide over Donald J Trump.
lazarus
This is the most humorous article that I have ever read on Liberty Nation and it is fantastic. Great and very humorous work by Charles. And for me the irony is America IS, RIGHT NOW, in real time, being overwhelmed by a one thousand mile long, and 1200 feet high tsunami of Criminal Immigrants at our Southern Border and all these total idiot Democrats can talk about is earth, as we know it, will be destroyed by bovine flatulence in 12 years? I mean really? Hey! AOC, et al, don’t worry about 12 years. The country of America is going to struggle to make it the next 12 months if we don’t do something RIGHT NOW about the 1200 foot high wall of humanity comprising the magnitude of CRIMINAL IMMIGRATION flooding America’s southern border right now! Look out the window and visualize the 1200′ wall of rolling wave of criminal immigrants rolling toward us right now from Brownsville, TX to San Diego, CA.
Will W
Where we are is so much “We cannot offend anyone” dogma that lunatics, morons and obvious sickos must be listened to and agreed with by the Dims. THINK. Infanticide, murdering a born baby ok. No borders, so you being born American does not mean a thing. Casting a cloud over Trump so as to nix us getting common ground with Russia so world peace and prosperity have a chance of being realized. It being nuked by Dims. What causes humans to support lying, conniving, honor and decency deprived proven slimy criminals? I can only conclude that about half the folk born on Earth are carriers of evil. More than half of those redeemable, but in any situation there will always be the 20% contraries.
EchoLimaEcho
I just love this article! Hysterically funny… but so true! Well done Jeff.
Diogenes
As I’ve mentioned in other threads, the recurrent reference to that of 12 years is that of one or more election cycles.
Of course all this nonsense sounds absurd and is easily scoffed at, or easily dismissed today. What sounded unthinkable several decades ago is today readily accepted into our culture, and now written as part of our laws. Remember this: All laws are rarely rescinded.
Let us not become complacent. “Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.”
It doses’t matter who stated that concept first. It still pertains.