Almost two weeks ago, a woman died after being struck by a car at a white supremacist rally in Charlottesville, VA. Never one to allow a good crisis to go to waste, the left used the tragedy to launch their latest attack on the right to freedom of expression. Social justice warriors, major news outlets, and hard-left domestic terrorist groups have banded together to ensure that those with “deplorable” opinions are not allowed to voice their views.

They hope to achieve this objective by using the establishment media, carrying out violent attacks against conservatives, and hiring witches to reanimate the corpse of Josef Stalin.

At a Free Speech Rally, a few dozen conservatives gathered in support of the First Amendment. Naturally, tens of thousands of leftist protesters swarmed into the area and derailed the event by shrieking like a horde of constipated banshees. Cassie Caterwaul, an anti-free speech activist, and social justice warrior, said:

We really need to do something about these white supremacists who think they can just spew their hate wherever they want. I’m glad we were able to drown them out with our message of love and tolerance. Saying things that people like us don’t agree with is totally not American.

Upon being informed that the participants in the rally were not white supremacists, Caterwaul said, “Well, if they think people should be able to freely express their views, that’s close enough.” She added, “If Hitler hadn’t been able to say all that bad stuff in Germany, we wouldn’t have had the Holocaust!” After being asked what Hitler has to do with free speech, she covered her ears and screeched, “La la la la, I can’t hear you!”

The free speech rally ended soon after it had begun. Antifa engaged in violence at this event; they threw rocks and bottles of urine at police officers. But don’t worry – the establishment media made sure they left that part out as they reported on the event. But that isn’t the end of the story.

Major media players stepped forward to defend Antifa and published articles that argued against protecting free speech. The New York Times lashed out at the American Civil Liberties Union for filing a lawsuit against the city of Charlottesville for attempting to shut down the white supremacist rally. The Los Angeles Times stated that the government should step-in to regulate online speech.

Katrina Killjoy, a reporter for The Daily Whimper, lauded the efforts of the two newspapers:

Every media outlet needs to do their part in the battle to keep conserv—I mean Nazis – from propagating their vile ideas. It’s not right that people have to hear opinions that conflict with our message of love and tolerance! Besides, free speech is kinda overrated, right? It’s sooo 18^th century!”

Killjoy felt it was unnecessary to address the fact that most of the efforts to stifle free speech are being directed at conservatives, “Well, if they want to say how they feel, they should become Democrats!” Of course, the establishment media is not the only leftist organization to oppose the right to freedom of expression. Everyone’s favorite domestic terrorist group also joined in on the fun.

Antifa has continued their violent crusade against the First Amendment – and their protectors in the establishment media have done their best to whitewash their antics. As stated previously, they attacked police officers at the Free Speech Rally in Boston. Most recently, they staged riots at a Trump rally in Arizona. They attempted to disrupt the event by throwing gas at police officers, wielding weapons, and getting shot in the groin with pepper balls. Sasha J. Warrick, an Antifa sympathizer, said: “It’s time for people to rise up against these capitalist Nazis. They promote hate and fascism!”

When asked to define what constitutes being a fascist, Warrick said:

A fascist is anyone who doesn’t believe in socialism, free healthcare for all, and obeying everything we say. If they don’t accept our message of love and tolerance, we will punch them in the face until they do – because we’re fighting for peace!

On November 4, Antifa plans a nationwide anti-Trump rally. Yes, that’s right – all over the nation, these people intend to convene and show their solidarity in the struggle to remove President Donald Trump. According to Warrick, they will bring about the impeachment of the president by setting cars on fire, attacking police officers, and crying incessantly when they get arrested.

What’s better than winning a political debate? Making sure the debate never happens at all. Who has time for making thoughtful arguments? Why should anyone have to defend their political positions? There are plenty of other ways to get what you want. You can just force people to agree with you just like the Phantom of the Opera forced Christine to fall in love with him. Remember, coercion always trumps persuasion.