Editor’s Note: This is the first in a series of weekly columns written by author Graham Noble lampooning our friends on the left because, well, sometimes you just gotta laugh. In “What’s Left of the Week” Graham will use his wit and dry British humor to satirize extreme leftist people, places and things that are stranger than science. Be sure to look for Graham’s LN TV episode that accompanies each satire every Monday.
It seems, these days, each week brings a fresh batch of “stupid” — more bizarre and jaw-dropping than the previous week’s batch. If stupid were soup, the culinary experts on the political left would appear to be endlessly changing and perfecting the recipe. We taste the soup, and we think “Wow! That is some stupid soup, right there!” But, the following week, the left places before us another bowl. We taste it, and our eyes widen. We nod in approval, exclaiming “Yes! Yes! That really is even more stupid than last week’s soup.” Each week, we tell ourselves that this soup cannot possibly get any more stupid.
We are wrong. We are always wrong because we continue to underestimate the capacity of the left to extract the essence or stupid from every single event and occurrence – natural or man-made. Here, at Liberty Nation, we’ve become addicted to the soup and, so, we decided to carefully review the ever-changing recipe in the hope that, one day, we can figure out how to stop the soup being made. To that end, we present the main ingredients from this week.Richard Roundtree as Shaft
The NFL Takes a Knee
I love football. As a Brit, I’m willing to overlook the fact that only the placekickers and punters get to use the foot. What I’m not willing to overlook is Colin Kaepernick’s hair. In fact, I am not physically able to do so without standing on a chair. Kaepernick – or Shaft, as he now identifies himself – pioneered the taking of a knee during the national anthem prior to kickoff. I don’t want politics in my football, just like I don’t want stupid in my soup.
Kaepernick’s reasoning, he likes to pretend, was that attention needed to be drawn to the systematic oppression of black people – particularly by police officers. A few other players around the league began to follow suit, but things really got interesting when President Donald Trump speculated that team owners should act against players who refuse to respect the nation by standing during the national anthem:
“wouldn’t you love to see one of these NFL owners, when somebody disrespects our flag, to say, ‘Get that son of a bitch off the field right now. Out! He’s fired.”
Contrary to the establishment media narrative, Trump didn’t directly call anyone a “son of a bitch,” he speculated that this is how an owner might refer to such a player. There is a difference. Tomato, tomahto? Not so much.
Following the comment, many more players decided to take a knee which achieved, precisely, nothing. Well, that is not entirely true; it did lead to the NFL losing its place in the hearts of so many Americans, and it did blaze a trail to lower NFL revenues. Quickly realizing that they don’t have a leg to stand on, teams are already moving to end the entire fiasco. Kaepernick wrecked his NFL career or, at the very least, put it on hold. In retrospect, it was the ultimate pick-six. Adding insult to injury, the man had only acted on behalf of a tiny minority of blacks while completely ignoring the far more terrible issue.
Here’s the thing, Colin et al.; the numbers are overwhelmingly against you. According to the FBI, there were 7,881 black homicide victims in 2016 and only 233 of them were killed by the police. Of that 233, all but 16 were classified as armed and dangerous. Since only 243 blacks were killed by whites in 2016, who killed the rest of them? Want a clue? It wasn’t the Cat in the Hat.
Maybe show some outrage over the very real terrorization of black communities by black criminals and us privileged white supremacists might start taking you seriously. Also, get a freakin’ haircut.
Dr. Seuss Becomes a Racist
Speaking of cats in hats, we learned, this week, that famed author Dr. Theodor Seuss Geisel is now a racist. How do we know this — because former First Lady Michelle Obama was clearly horrified by what she read in his children’s books. So horrified, in fact, that she read these books over and over again. Out loud. To children. Her husband, who often played a United States president on T.V., did the same.
Little wonder, then, that when current First Lady Melania Trump decided to donate ten of these books to an elementary school in Massachusetts, the school librarian refused to accept them.
Liz Phipps Soeiro argued that the school had no need of the books but also pointed out that these books were “steeped in racist propaganda, caricatures, and harmful stereotypes.” Clearly, Soeiro has held this view for some time. Two years ago, she demonstrated her disgust with Seuss’s bigotry by posing for a photograph, ironically brandishing these racist caricatures.
Soeiro is not someone to be taken lightly. She points out that she holds a degree in library science. This is a rigorous field of study that teaches one how books are categorized by subject-matter, rather than arranged tallest to shortest or by color. The library science graduate knows where, within the library, to locate the reading tables by triangulating the flow of ambient light with the HVAC vents and proximity to the transgender bathroom. A library scientist can say “Shhhhh!” with exactly the right pitch and volume; loud enough to intimidate the intended transgressor but not loud enough to awake the homeless lady sleeping under the Hegelian Philosophy section.
The refusal of this thoughtful donation had nothing to do with the fact that the Donor’s name was Trump.
Were Liberty Nation to devote an entire site to the deranged rantings of left-wingers, it would remain an insufficient amount of cyberspace. Fear not, though, dear reader; each week adds yet more rich seasoning to the stupid soup that is progressive ideology. Our grinder is ever ready. Bon Appetit!