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Satire: LN’s Anonymous Response to NYT’s Anonymous

In response to the Op-Ed by Anonymous recently in the New York Times, an obscure publication loosely affiliated with The Resistance, LibertyNation.com is taking the rare step of publishing a letter in response to Anonymous – point-by-point. We have done so at the request of the author, a senior official at Liberty Nation whose identity is known to us and whose safety would be jeopardized by its disclosure. We believe publishing this letter anonymously is the only way to deliver an important perspective to our readers. We invite you not to submit a question about the letter or our vetting process.

I Am Part of the Uprising Inside the Washington Swamp

I work for Liberty Nation, but like-minded colleagues and I have vowed to thwart parts of the establishment agenda and the deep state’s worst inclinations.

Editors’ note: Check out this clever head fake:

Dear Anonymous,

We so appreciate your courageous effort to unmask President Trump and the dysfunction in his administration, and are, as you guys say in The Swamp, deeply troubled by your revelations.

First off, I’m wondering if you are using Anonymous as another of those one-word titles designed to make you a star, like Prince or Madonna. If so, very clever. Only what do you put in the blank for “first name” on your driver’s license application? Or would that be the last name? But I digress.

To the matter at hand, you write, “[M]any of the senior officials in his own administration are working diligently from within to frustrate parts of his agenda and his worst inclinations. I would know. I am one of them.”

So Anonymous, I’m tempted to ask you who died and left you in charge of the country, but instead, please just go ahead and submit the results from the presidential election you won.

“We want the administration to succeed and think that many of its policies have already made America safer and more prosperous. But we believe our first duty is to this country.”

I so enjoy the juxtaposition of Trump already making America safer and more prosperous – details to be sure when compared with the significance of … say, Stormy Daniels – and your first duty being to the country. Shame on those simpletons who don’t understand how being safer and richer has made you tremble for your country (is it our country, too? Just checking).

Now, regarding the commitment of you and others in the White House Resistance to:

“[T]hwarting Mr. Trump’s more misguided impulses until he is out of office … Most are working to insulate their operations from his whims.”

I am deeply indebted to you for determining the level of misguidedness of the President’s impulses. No matter your apparent status low in Washington’s self-recycling food chain, you are, by virtue of your courageous decision to anonymously share your deepest desires with the pathetic souls in our deplorable and irredeemable world, beyond reproach.

“The president shows little affinity for ideals long espoused by conservatives: free minds, free markets and free people … There are bright spots that the near-ceaseless negative coverage of the administration fails to capture: effective deregulation, historic tax reform, a more robust military and more.”

It is not easy to contradict yourself within the space of a few sentences. Did you learn that in school, or are you self-taught? And here I spent my whole life thinking less regulation, lower taxes, and a strong military were conservative values.  Thanks for setting the record straight and clarifying what I’m supposed to, uh, not believe anymore.

 “The president’s leadership style, which is impetuous, adversarial, petty and ineffective.”

With the economy approaching fifth gear, imagine how much better it would be doing if Trump’s leadership style was actually effective. And thank you for imparting the wisdom of Washington, where seldom is heard a discouraging word, the skies are not cloudy all day, and career politicians are never impetuous, adversarial, petty or ineffective.

“This isn’t the work of the so-called deep state. It’s the work of the steady state.”

Why not merge the words and call it the deep steady state or the steady deep state? Just a thought, not a sermon. Because you are both deep into your steadiness or steadily getting in deeper. Sorry if that’s confusing.

“We have sunk low with him and allowed our discourse to be stripped of civility … Senator John McCain put it best in his farewell letter. All Americans should heed his words and break free of the tribalism trap, with the high aim of uniting through our shared values and love of this great nation.”

The seething anger radiating from Meghan McCain – not to mention the words of condemnation by two ex-Presidents – at her father’s funeral were welcome dog whistles designed to protect us from the irredeemable souls who had the unmitigated gall, the chutzpah, to elect a cretin who is not member of your tribe, uh, I meant to say, the establishment order. There’s obviously nothing tribal about that at all. Obviously only Trump supporters are tribal. Obviously.

“[t]here were early whispers within the cabinet of invoking the 25th Amendment … we will do what we can to steer the administration in the right direction.”

Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you. God speed.

With deplorable regards,

Anonymous 2.0

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