Some turkeys get pardoned and some don’t. Drumstick and Wishbone were pardoned Tuesday by President Donald Trump, as is customary, prior to Thanksgiving. Charlie Rose was fired by both CBS and PBS, following sexual harassment allegations. Al Franken, thankfully, will not end up on anyone’s dinner table but his fate is still in the balance. Democratic Representative John Conyers, the veteran Congressional turkey, is also now on the hot seat.
Failing to heed the advice of another turkey, LaVar Ball, the president did not give Wishbone or Drumstick a ride on Air Force One, prior to their pardons. Thus, he will never get credit for this act of magnanimity.There are as many turkey-jokes to go around as there are actual turkeys. Stuffing jokes are probably not appropriate.
Fowl Hillary Clinton
Hillary Clinton is a bit like Turkey. Someone had her for lunch last November and yet we’re all still stuck with the leftovers. Rumor has it she put on a Turkey costume and attempted to sneak onto the White House grounds Tuesday. Sorry, Hillary; no pardon for you.
Notably, the former First Lady, former US Senator, former Secretary of State, former presidential candidate and former head of a multi-million-dollar money laundering scheme tweeted Thanksgiving messages to exactly no-one, this year. She was too busy. Anonymous sources spotted her outside a Walmart in Peoria, Illinois. She was wearing a blue waistcoat and greeting shoppers with a cheery “Welcome to Walmart, buy my book.”
Al Franken Up Close and Personal
The Democratic Senator from Minnesota collected a few more allegations of inappropriate behavior towards women over the past couple days. He confronted reporters in an apparent act of contrition. When one reporter asked him how he was feeling, Franken stretched his arms out in front of him and made squeezing gestures with his hands. “Something like that.” He said. He went on to describe how the accusations of groping women had affected him, psychologically. “I’ve hit bottom,” he said, “I thought I had a firm grasp on things, but I don’t. I’ve lost my touch. I feel an ass – I feel like an ass. Don’t print that. I guess I’m just pretty bummed.”
When asked about the validity of the latest claims against him, the senator responded “Well, I’m going to be reaching out to some people. I’m not going to crack. If there’s a hole in any of these stories, I’ll find it – I’m good at that. I’ll get to the bottom of this.” Franken then rushed away, saying he had an appointment. “You’ll have to excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I’m a little behind,” he said.
As Roseanne Barr said on Twitter Friday, Al Franken needs a spankin’. He would, no doubt, consider it more a reward than a punishment.
The Left continues to contort itself into positions worthy of the most extreme porn movies. Attempting to condemn Alabama Republican Roy Moore while covering for John Conyers and Al Franken is proving quite a task. Is a man innocent until proven guilty or is a man guilty because he is accused of being guilty? We know the answer, of course: A man is guilty if he’s a Republican.
Meanwhile, there were some bombshell developments in the investigation into the collusion between President Donald Trump’s campaign team and Russia.
No. No there weren’t. This statement was written for the benefit of anti-Trump readers. Your eyes lit up, for a moment, admit it. Seriously, what did you expect? Happy belated Thanksgiving.