The world was riveted to all manner of electronic devices as President Trump met with Mother Russia’s bad boy, President Vladimir Putin, in Helsinki. The summit prompted shrieks of desolation from the left, high fives on the right, and downright nasty arguments across social media platforms.
In flyover country, citizens shook their collective heads in amusement at the histrionics ratcheted to threat level red and predicted prescriptions for Xanax would double before Trump boarded Air Force One to return home.
As crazy as it sounds, the Heartland folks relished the idea of a new issue to combat, now that liberals have forgotten all about kidnapped crying kids in cages at the southern border.
A Russian Spy in the Oval Office!
Emily Singer, on a career path to rival Woodward and Bernstein, tweeted a photo with the following message, “I thought this was a photoshop, but its [sic] not. This is Maria Butina – arrested for being a spy – in the Oval Office with Trump.”
Grammar error aside, the photo was, in fact, of National Security Council staffer, Cari Lutkins. Oops.
As fast as the post was published, it was screengrabbed and set ablaze over the ether. Perhaps the best comment was from @EmptyWheel in Grand Rapids, Michigan, who replied, “Glad I wear glasses so I only look like Maria Butina in disguise (and with a few pounds and a few decades).”
Trump Sold US to Putin!
Kansan attorney Gary Justis posted a simple cartoon meme disrespectful of Putin and Trump, unwittingly opening a can of whoop ass from the pro-Trumpers in Utah, New Mexico, Texas, Indiana, and the great state of Missouri. During a day’s long battle of will and wits, memes and fact checking, the haters surrendered and slunk off, while the victors private messaged one another and became allies on Facebook.
James from Missouri baited the hook by suggesting Putin was Trump’s boss. Yes, James was filleted by New Mexican and fly-fisherman Curtis, and several states enjoyed fish and chips when James admitted he did not know the Rothschilds. Yeah, it did not make a lot of sense, but that battle of wits was won in minutes.
Curtis, a lifelong Independent fence sitter, is now firmly in Trump’s camp:
“I never thought I’d say this but… I think I will vote for Mr Trump too… I like the way he’s leading our country right now.. [sic] Especially from the other dude that ran it into the toilet…”
As for the summit in Helsinki, most viewed it as a typical diplomatic relations meeting and a “keep your enemies closer” mission. But common sense is in the genetic make-up of flyover folks and most did not flinch over the left’s latest warning of an ensuing apocalypse heading towards the grand old U.S. of A., as cable and network news released their ominous predictions of total Russian domination.
Americans who embrace reality even viewed Mueller’s Russia indictments as a win for the right. Once again, the special counsel admitted there was no “involvement by any American.” Yes, Trump is also an American, middle-westerners concluded, praying for the investigation to die quickly.
As Helen from Chicago said, “When Trump announces he loves air, really loves air, air is the best thing ever, Democrats will turn blue to boycott him.”
Thank goodness breathing is a reflex. Oh, and what happened to those crying kids in cages?