Nike took an incredibly brave stance against racism by deciding not to issue a sneaker with the image of Betsy Ross’ original American flag depicting the first 13 colonies. Initially, the plan was to release the shoe on the Fourth of July, but, fortunately, someone at the company had the wisdom to consult former NFL player Colin Kaepernick. He quickly squashed the idea.
Kaepernick — the company’s foremost authority on racism — said that the flag is racist. When Ross designed this banner, the United States still allowed the institution of slavery to be practiced on its soil. Just as importantly, however, this raises an important question: What other racist products should be removed from American society?
Liberty Nation sat down with representatives from the non-profit group Countering Racism in American Products (C.R.A.P.) to discuss the matter over cups of vegan coffee. Their insights were illuminating and should completely change your view of some of the most commonly-used products in America – unless you’re a racist, of course.
Let’s Ban Everything!
Eli J. Snow, who heads the marketing arm of C.R.A.P., explained that Nike’s decision was admirable, but didn’t go far enough. “Yes, it’s great that Nike did away with their racist sneaker idea, but they could have taken the opportunity to lead the campaign against subtle systemic racism in America,” he complained. “Every day, Americans are perpetuating white supremacy through the products and services they use, and frankly, it’s disgusting.”
Stop Wearing Racism
Chances are that you, dear reader, are engaging in racism at this very moment. Is that snazzy shirt you’re currently wearing made of cotton? If so, you are responsible for the next unjustified police shooting of a black man. If you know your history, you know that one of the main tasks performed by slaves in America was picking cotton. Indeed, cotton has always been a symbol of black oppression. Just ask the wife of Virginia Governor Ralph Northam.
Fortunately, this problem can be rectified by creating a pile of all of the cotton clothing out of your house and setting fire to it in your backyard. Then, give half of your money to your favorite black person — perhaps the author of this article — as a form of reparations.
White Supremacist Transportation
If your household is completely cotton free, you are not out of the woods yet. Pearl Prudence, an activist working for C.R.A.P., indicated that certain forms of transportation are also racist. “Railroads, which are still used for commerce and to transport racist Americans all over the country, are one of the evilest ways that the U.S. supports white supremacist symbolism,” she asserted. “Black slaves, along with other minorities, were forced to build many of the railroads we use today.”
Oddly enough, C.R.A.P. isn’t advocating for the removal of trains and railroads because this would conflict with the objectives of the Green New Deal, which seeks to eliminate air travel as a means for transportation. Instead, they have proposed two measures: installing signs on every train detailing the oppression that built the railroad system and imposing a 100% reparations tax on passengers.
Don’t Stir Racism Into Coffee
Coffee lovers might be the biggest group promoting white supremacy in their everyday lives. If you take sugar in your coffee, you are directly responsible for promoting a subtle form of Jim Crow. Sarah Saccharine, who is in charge of fundraising for C.R.A.P., explains how she stopped using sugar in her coffee and herbal tea.
“I was enjoying a cup of vegan tea while surfing the net for articles on the dire impact of misogynoir when I came across an article on slavery,” she said. “I hadn’t taken the time to reflect on my white privilege that day, so I figured it’d be a good idea to read the article. Then, I discovered that black slaves worked on sugar plantations, and I was mortified.”
Saccharine stated that she immediately began weeping as she threw her cup into the street. “I felt so guilty,” she said through tears. “I decided to stage a protest of the coffee shop that served me the racist tea to force them to stop serving sugar.”
Removing these three staples from American society is only the tip of the proverbial iceberg for organizations like C.R.A.P., who wishes to completely rid society of the lingering racist influences from the past. Eli J. Snow explained that his overall objective is to “inject more C.R.A.P. into the public discourse on racism,” and to oppose the impact of white supremacy on oppressed minorities. He said:
“We are recruiting at aggressive levels, and we want advocates working in every major American city. We want people willing to get C.R.A.P. on America’s sidewalks, in its learning institutions, and television programming. We truly believe that American society needs as much C.R.A.P. as we can possibly get, and we’re not going to stop until evil whites are under our thumb and America is no longer a bastion of racism.”
It is clear that members of the organization have their work cut out for them, but it appears that they are up to the challenge. With people like Kaepernick and other woke activists pushing their message, the nation can expect to see more C.R.A.P. shortly.
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