President Donald Trump may well be crazy like a fox but is he crazy like a…well, like a crazy person? No, says White House physician Ronny Jackson. In front of a clearly crestfallen White House press corps, Jackson ran through the results of Trump’s medical examination. The 71-year-old is in excellent health but could lose a few pounds and would benefit from a better diet and more exercise.
Left-wing reporters were visibly shaken to learn that the president is not a shoe-in for an imminent fatal coronary but the real blow to their hopes and dreams came when Jackson revealed that Trump had not only volunteered to take a cognitive assessment but had aced it, proving that he really is a stable genius.
Smartest President Ever, Believe Me!
The Montreal Cognitive Assessment, or MoCA, is a tool used by health professionals to detect early signs of mental impairments and illnesses such as Alzheimer’s Disease and dementia. It consists of a set of 30 short tests. Trump scored a perfect 30, crushing the left’s narrative that he is mentally unstable to the degree that renders him unfit for office.
It can’t be! Why mental health experts across the country had assured us that Trump displays symptoms of early-onset dementia! Surely, he’s at least three cans short of a six-pack, or five sandwiches short of a picnic. It’s so evident that the man is just not playing with a full deck. Only a fool would fail to recognize that he fell out of the crazy tree, hitting every branch on the way down.
But no. Trump is firmly in possession of all his faculties, and this is now a matter of record. No previous president, to the good doctor’s knowledge, has taken such a test. It is not a requirement, although, perhaps, it should be. Trump asked for the assessment to be included in his examination. How would former President Barack Obama have fared? We will never know. Even if he, too, had taken the test, the results – much like his college transcripts – would have been permanently sealed. One thing is for sure; had the MoCA included a requirement to calculate the number of states in the U.S., Obama would not have achieved a perfect score. Had the test incorporated a question on the correct pronunciation of the word “nuclear,” former President George W. Bush would also have fallen short of Trump’s maximum score.
If to attain a perfect MoCA score, one had to define the word “is,” then Bill Clinton would not have measured up to Trump. Since the actual tests in MoCA are a little more challenging than any of the aforementioned hypotheticals, it’s clear that our current president is smarter than at least his three most recent predecessors.
Press Briefing Room or Asylum?
Having received the bad news, several members of the press corps tried to figure out how to make Jackson admit that the test results were, somehow, not relevant to Trump’s particular brand of insanity. They failed. When confronted with the fact that several alleged experts had diagnosed Trump from afar as being a loony, the physician, who also served Obama and GWB, was politely scornful. He described such proclamations as “tabloid psychiatry.” Further horrifying his audience, Jackson said: “People shouldn’t be making those kinds of assessments about the president unless they’ve had the opportunity to get to know him and examine him.”
One need not observe the president in action to see a clear display of mental instability. Watching CNN or MSNBC for half an hour will suffice. Review the video of New Jersey Senator Corey Booker losing his mind at Tuesday’s meeting with the head of the Department of Homeland Security and you will see genuine personality disorder on full display. Booker was, he pretends, enraged that Trump allegedly referred to certain foreign shi…countries as “sh*tholes.” If that anger was genuine, then perhaps Booker was upset that his own state had not been listed as such. If anywhere is deserving of the title, the Garba…Garden State surely is.
Yes, the White House is frequently inhabited by the criminally insane. Thankfully, they are usually confined to the James S. Brady Press Briefing Room.