Editor’s Note: Our pithy political LN pundits have culled together their finest family recipes sure to please your guests on Thanksgiving and make for high-quality political arguments at the table. Today’s offering includes two side recipes you won’t want to miss.
Colin Kaepernik’s Green Beans
From the kitchen of: Marisa Spruth
Want to make something that doesn’t add anything to the table, no one really knows why it’s still there, but is hailed as one of the great side dishes of Thanksgiving? If the answer is yes, here is a can’t miss crowd pleaser.
- Freshly ground pepper
- 2 lbs. Green Beans (Fresh is Important; you’ll know by the “snap”)
- 4 slices of bacon (from ahem, actual pigs)
- 6 oz. shallots
- ¼ c. chopped pecans (because the whole thing seems a little nuts)
- ½ c. red or white-wine vinegar (color isn’t the issue here, just the “whine”)
- 1½ tbsp. sugar
- In a large pot over high heat, bring 2 1/2 quarts salted water to a boil. Working in batches, add green beans and cook 2 minutes per batch. Transfer to a bowl filled with cold water and ice. Set aside.
- Drain large pot and dry. Add bacon and cook until crisp, but not burnt. Transfer to a paper-towel-lined plate; set aside. Sauté shallots for 2 minutes; add pecans and cook for 1 minute. Remove pan from heat; add vinegar and sugar, stirring until sugar dissolves.
- Add reserved green beans to pan; cook over low heat until heated through, about 4 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. Transfer to a dish; top with reserved bacon.
This Recipe is not Rigged
No matter which side of the political aisle you are on, this is a recipe that will please everybody. If you make it, please put your review in our comments section.
Aunt Maxine’s Poverty Beans
From the kitchen of: James Fite
This one is a tribute to all who live under the thumb… ahem, “in the district” of Maxine Waters. Much like old Aunt Maxine, these beans have little character on their own, but they’re spicy enough that we hope you won’t notice. It’s a simple dish, but then so are the voters who continuously reelect Waters.
- 1 lb. uncooked dry pinto beans
- 1 onion, chopped
- Several jalapenos, chopped
- Salt and pepper as needed
- Pour beans into a pot and add enough water to cover them by a couple of inches. Don’t bother rinsing and sorting to get rid of the “bad” beans – there’s no need for such culinary bigotry. And whatever you do, don’t pick out any small stones you may find in the bag. They self-identify as beans. Who are you to say they aren’t?
- Soak overnight. Real progress takes time.
- Drain beans – make sure you squeeze every drop out of them.
- Return beans to pot, add more water, onions, and about half the jalapenos. Keep the bigger half.
- Bring beans to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer for 3 hours. Stir the pot regularly – don’t let any of those beans settle down. You don’t want any sticking to the bottom of the pot, after all.
- Make yourself a big ‘ole bowl, then ladle the rest in to as many smaller bowls as you have folks to feed.
- Top each bowl with the remaining jalapenos. They brighten up the dish so that it looks like there’s more to it, and they’re just spicy enough to distract from their flavor. Salt to taste – but be careful. Too much sodium is bad for you. Unless you live in California’s 43rd district, then you might take your chances – up to you.
Not Just for the Poor
Aunt Maxine’s Poverty Beans aren’t just for folks who lovingly call their Representative a poverty pimp. Rich, poor, or middle class, anyone can make and eat this dish. To improve the flavor, those more affluent cooks can add spices and even a little pork to add complexity and substance. As is, these beans are packed with protein – and best of all, they’re cheap. This recipe makes enough beans to feed as many people as needed – just get what you want, then distribute the rest out evenly amongst whoever is left. Being broke never tasted so good!
Tomorrow a few more sides and hang on for Thursday’s special Trumpkin pie!
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