Here’s a funny one for you. The Associated Press recently published a piece stating that the Democratic Party and their loyal followers have finally realized that they will need to court white voters if they hope to win in 2020. No, seriously. Despite their obvious disdain for the melanin-challenged, they plan to collect as many white votes as possible.
The Democrats now understand that if they wish to unseat President Trump, they must convince millions of white voters to believe that their party is the one that truly has the interests of white Americans at heart. In this vein, the left is in the process of crafting various strategies designed to appeal to European Americans, and if initial findings are any indication, the GOP could be in dire straits come 2020. Here are a few of the tactics Dems are currently testing.
Pretend to Like White People
It might seem like an impossible undertaking, but one of the Democrats’ primary strategies will involve pretending to like white folks. You might be thinking: “But they rip into white people every chance they get!” You’re absolutely correct, but when has hypocrisy ever stopped them before?
A senior Democratic National Committee official stated that the party finally sees that white votes are valuable. “You know, all this time I’ve felt that white people – including myself – were completely useless,” he said. “But then I realized that maybe white people are good for something after all: electing presidents!”
The official said the Democratic Party will claim that it genuinely loves white people and wants to see them prosper. It plans to deal with the fact that the left has railed consistently against whites by pretending that it never happened. “The great thing about this is that we control the media,” a Democratic staffer said. “So we’ll just get with journalists at CNN, ABC, and MSNBC and have them tell white people that it was really racist Republicans that hate whites. It works on the blacks, doesn’t it?”
Shame Them Into Voting Democrat
Those on the left also plan to use a strategy that has served them well on college campuses. It involves using shame to make whites feel guilty for not supporting progressive causes. There is little doubt that the Democrats will nominate a candidate who scores high on the intersectionality/victimhood scale, so they have developed a procedure that is bound to make whites feel horrible about themselves for even considering support for a Republican.
When engaging with white audiences, candidates and staffers will say things like: “Well, whites have already held the most important positions in our government. Haven’t we already had our time? You don’t want to seem like a selfish bigot, do you?”
If this does not work, the Democrats are prepared to get a little tougher. Some have suggested that Democrats visit the homes of white voters, comment on the quality of their abode, and then offhandedly state that it “would be a shame if something happened to it.”
Tell Them They’re Racist
What would a leftist political strategy be without mindless race-baiting? Along with shame, progressives are also counting on a time-tested and well-worn approach. Put simply, they will tell white voters that they’re all bigots and they must purge themselves of their irrational hatred by voting for any Democratic candidate who wins the nomination.
The party is currently testing out new slogans designed to convey their message:
“Get your lily-white b*tts to the polls and vote for our candidate or you will be a racist forever.”
“Today is the day to shed your bigoted past by voting for a Democrat!”
“Yes, votes CAN be racist.”
The Democrats also coach their activists and volunteers on how to respond to white folks who say they aren’t sure about voting for a progressive candidate. Their responses will include statements like “Really? So when did you start hating Mexicans?” and “To which chapter of the Ku Klux Klan do you belong?”
This is sure to work. At least, that’s what progressive activist Lolly Lativer thinks. “Next to saying that you hate Johnny Cash, calling a white person a racist is the most horrible thing you can say to a Caucasian,” they explained.
White People Use Welfare Too
This is likely the most ingenious strategy that the left plans to use to persuade whites to choose Democrats. As you already know, the Democrats obtain power by promising government benefits to the people they wish to reach. It is one of the ways they have grown the state to a disturbing size. Benny Beefman, a Democratic strategist, said: “We’ve manipulated our victims – er, targets, by promising more government programs that will benefit them. So far, we have focused this effort on minority communities. But why can’t we do it to white people as well? They use welfare programs too, don’t they?”
Indeed, the Democratic Party has retained the majority of the black and Hispanic vote for decades by persuading them to become reliant on the state. But they have not marketed government largesse to white communities as aggressively as they have with minorities. Beefman explained the process: “First, we get them to vote for us by promising that we will take care of them. Then, when we secure the victory, we ignore them completely and work to expand the government. When election season comes around again, we pretend that we still care about them. It’s foolproof!”
Will the Democrats succeed in their efforts to win over white voters? It’s too early to tell, but if the left’s plans are any indication, Trump better bring his “A” game.